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Family or friends It is undeniable that adulthood

Family or friends It is undeniable that adulthood lLYk9
It is undeniable that adulthood has become one of the most crucial stages in human's life when its surrounding can have a great influence on adolescents. On the one hand, there is an army of people convinced that friends can have more powerful impact on them, which, in my opinion, play the secondary role after family. First and foremost, according to some research, children can fully form their personality in the first three years of their life, when they stick most of their time to family. As a result, family is a strong impact on their children's behaviors. Futhermore, family is the place where young adults can bear their soul without worrying about judgement. No matter how upset or joyful you are, a family is always by your side, comfort you and guarantee to be a long-lasting companion in every ups and downs of your life. By contrast, friends may have mutual understanding and lend an ear to you. As there is no generation gap, friends easily share your viewpoint, which are not normally seen in parents To sum up, although friends bring about some influences on young adults, I believe that family is a unique bond which is irreversible
It is undeniable that adulthood has become one of the most crucial stages in human's life when its surrounding can have a great influence on adolescents. On the one hand, there is an army of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
convinced that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
can have more powerful impact on them, which, in my opinion, play the secondary role after family.

First
and foremost, according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
research, children can
fully
form their personality in the
first
three years of their life, when they stick most of their time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is a strong impact on their children's behaviors.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Futhermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is the place where young adults can bear their soul without worrying about judgement. No matter how upset or joyful you are, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is always by your side, comfort you and guarantee to be a long-lasting companion in every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "up"?
ups
and downs of your life.

By contrast,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
may have mutual understanding and lend an ear to you. As there is no generation gap,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
easily
share your viewpoint, which are not
normally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
parents


To sum up, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
bring about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
influences on young adults, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is a unique bond which is irreversible
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IELTS essay Family or friends It is undeniable that adulthood

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
199 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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