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a leisure activity /called Kayaking

a leisure activity /called Kayaking xaDky
Actually I really enjoy the sea /and if I have the opportunity, I would like to participate in a leisure activity /called Kayaking. As far as I have researched through many information sources /such as on the Internet or Facebook. This is a sport /involving paddling a light craft/ through water. Sounds interesting, right? I also watched tutorials on how to take up Kayaking on Youtube. First, we need to learn /how to manage the paddle/ to drive the kayak /so that we can change direction /when in need. Second, it doesn’t matter /you excel at swimming or not /because we must always wear life jackets, /it’s very important and to protect ourselves. In my opinion, this is a sport /that brings many benefits to us. In terms of recreational effects, / it offers a tranquil mode of transportation, / gain control of speed, / and easily stop to enjoy stunning views of ocean /or surrounding mountains. Besides, it also helps us get away from the hectic pace of life, /immerse in nature /to have a sound mind. Moreover, it also offers physical benefits /such as improving cardiovascular fitness /and increases muscle strength, /particularly in the back, arms, shoulders /by moving the paddle.
Actually I
really
enjoy the sea /and if I have the opportunity, I would like to participate in a leisure activity /called Kayaking. As far as I have researched through
many
information sources /such as on the Internet or Facebook. This is a sport /involving paddling a light craft/ through water. Sounds interesting, right? I
also
watched
tutorials on how to take up Kayaking on
Youtube
.
First
, we need to learn /how to manage the paddle/ to drive the kayak /
so
that we can
change
direction /when in need. Second, it doesn’t matter /you excel at swimming or not /
because
we
must
always wear life jackets, /it’s
very
important
and to protect ourselves. In my opinion, this is a sport /that brings
many
benefits to us. In terms of recreational effects, / it offers a tranquil mode of transportation, / gain control of speed, / and
easily
stop
to enjoy stunning views of ocean /or surrounding mountains.
Besides
, it
also
helps
us
get
away from the hectic pace of life, /immerse in nature /to have a sound mind.
Moreover
, it
also
offers physical benefits /such as improving cardiovascular fitness /and increases muscle strength, /
particularly
in the back, arms, shoulders /by moving the paddle.
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IELTS essay a leisure activity /called Kayaking

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
203 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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