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Family celebrations. How do you celebrate in your family

Family celebrations. How do you celebrate in your family xm2NN

I usually celebrate holidays with my big family and my friends. This is always a great celebration. I like when we get together but most of all I like to choose presents for each member of our family. I can see that my gifts make them happier because I know what they want to get. I think that family celebrations are very important in human life also this event is memorable and pleasant time for every person.

I usually
 celebrate holidays with my This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:hugeenormousgiganticvast
big
 family and my friends. This is always a great celebration. I like when we This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :acquire
get
 together This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:on the contrary
but
 most of all I like to choose presents for each member of our family. I can This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :witness
see
 that my gifts This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :createconstructmanufactureproduce
make
 them happier This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:due to the factin light of the fact thatowing to the fact that
because
 I know what they want to This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :acquire
get
. Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :reckonassumebelieveconsider
think
 that family celebrations are This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:extremelyimmenselysupremelysuperb
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:vitalcriticalessential
important
 in human life also
 this This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :occasionhappening
event
 is memorable and pleasant time for every person. 

IELTS essay Family celebrations. How do you celebrate in your family

Essay

American English

1 paragraphs

77 words

This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1

4.0

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
?
One main idea per paragraph
Include an introduction and conclusion
Support main points with an explanation and then an example
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Vary your linking phrases using synonyms

Lexical Resource: 6.5

Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes

Grammatical Range: 6.5

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
Check your writing for errors

Task Achievement: 6.0

Answer all parts of the question
?
Present relevant ideas
Fully explain these ideas
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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