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Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system. v.9

Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system. v. 9
The education system, in most of the countries, is mainly supported by the government while private schools are expensive as private organisations maintain them. Some people opine that parents, who send their children to private schools, should be exempted from paying tax for education as they pay the full amount of education to a private school. I personally disagree with this proposed policy. First of all, the government does not force anyone to educate his children in a private school. If someone chooses to send his child to a private school, he accepts the higher fee willingly. From a practical point of view, affluent citizens send their children to private schools and they are higher tax payers. If they are excused from the tax, the government would have a hard time managing the state-supported education system. Besides, a double standard in tax would create an outcry among the populace. Secondly, all citizens should spontaneously pay the education tax to fulfil their duty to the country. The money collected through tax is used to run the education system of the country. Finally, not all citizens utilise the services that are provided to the public by the tax payers money. For instance, many city-dwellers always turn to private health care services despite they pay taxes for the state-owned medical facilities. This is why dual tax policy for individuals who send their offspring to a private school would deteriorate the whole tax collecting system. In conclusion, I strongly support that every citizen, no matter whether they send their children to public or private schools, should pay the tax to contribute to enhancing the education system of the country.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
, in most of the countries, is
mainly
supported by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are expensive as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
maintain them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that parents, who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, should
be exempted
from paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
the full amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. I
personally
disagree with this proposed policy.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
does not force anyone to educate his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. If someone chooses to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
send
his child to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, he accepts the higher fee
willingly
. From a practical point of view, affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
schools and
they are higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
payers. If they
are excused
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
would have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
time managing the state-supported
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
.
Besides
, a double standard in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
would create an outcry among the populace.

Secondly
, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
should
spontaneously
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
to fulfil their duty to the country. The money collected through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to run the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
of the country.

Finally
, not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
the services that
are provided
to the public by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
payers money.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
city-dwellers always turn to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
health care services despite they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
for the state-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
medical facilities. This is why dual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
policy for individuals who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
send
their offspring to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
would deteriorate the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
collecting system.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
support that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizen
, no matter whether they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to public or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
to contribute to enhancing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
of the country.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
57Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system. v. 9

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
275 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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