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‘Failure is proof that the desire wasn’t strong enough’To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.1

‘Failure is proof that the desire wasn’t strong enough’ v. 1
Every human being pass through challenging stages in life. The setting off goals is a major trend among people. It is said that desire has more privilege in order to maintain success. In this essay, an attempt will be made to investigate this statement by using appropriate examples. In modern society a fashionability of self-development books lead to established model of achievement. Therefore, reading so called guide books about advanced life individuals tend to follow and believe its advises. Moreover, authors of this kind of books are mainly rich and famous people who share with their experience and provide step by step actions to successful life. Many of them strongly insist that desire is the best motivator in regard to setting aims. For example, a book “Poor dad, Rich dad” by Robert Kiosaky shows that by thinking positively and following your dreams you certainly can reach any peak in this world. However, there are many pitfalls in the philosophy of prosperity. Even though wish plays significant role in this case, nevertheless it does not seem unreasonable to suggest that during evaluation of this situation many factors should be counted. Firstly, life circumstances in which are people, physical state, level of education even society in which they live. For instance, research of Cambridge University demonstrates that individuals are unhappy because they were too naïve and overestimated their abilities so were vulnerable to failure. In the way of conclusion, taking into account all abovementioned facts I would say everything depends on individual. The great figures of history have tried many actions over and over again and there were lots of experiment that were not fortunate. But the main key is not only desire, its just the first step towards satisfied life.
Every human being pass through challenging stages in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. The setting off goals is a major trend among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. It
is said
that desire has more privilege in order to maintain success. In this essay, an attempt will
be made
to investigate this statement by using appropriate examples.

In modern society a
Possible spelling mistake found.
fashionability
of self-development
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
lead to established model of achievement.
Therefore
, reading
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
so called
guide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
about advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
individuals tend to follow and believe its advises.
Moreover
, authors of this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are
mainly
rich and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who share with their experience and provide step by step actions to successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of them
strongly
insist that desire is the best motivator in regard to setting aims.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
“Poor dad, Rich dad” by Robert
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kiosaky
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that by thinking
positively
and following your dreams you
certainly
can reach any peak in this world.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pitfalls in the philosophy of prosperity.
Even though
wish plays significant role
in this case
,
nevertheless
it does not seem unreasonable to suggest that during evaluation of this situation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors should
be counted
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
circumstances in which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, physical state, level of education even society in which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
For instance
, research of Cambridge University demonstrates that individuals are unhappy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they were too naïve and overestimated their abilities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
were vulnerable to failure.

In the way of conclusion, taking into account all
Possible spelling mistake found.
abovementioned
facts I would say everything depends on individual. The great figures of history have tried
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
actions over and over again and there were lots of experiment that were not fortunate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the main key is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
desire, its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the
first
step towards satisfied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay ‘Failure is proof that the desire wasn’t strong enough’ v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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