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Failure is proof that the desire wasn't strong enough. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Human beings tend to have ambitions and intentions in general case but not everyone succeed in reaching them which is widely believed that weak willpower is the reason for this. However, this essay disagrees with this belief as there are other significant causes which will be discussed with extensive views. Firstly, the factors such as condition and opportunity must be taken into a consideration. Precisely, most of the people may have generally circumstantial, financial or family issues that can prevent individuals from completing their plans or goals. For instance, a person, despite of having a strong desire to study at a university, they still might not be able to attain due to shortage of personal budget. Another common cause of failure can be lack of experience or incorrect method of completion, meaning that people can have long ours of hard-work but still inadequate level of power to succeed. It is true that if a person has a strong passion, d or create any opportunities for achieving success. However, in some cases, failure seem to happen regardless of potentiality of desire. In conclusion, it wouldn't be sensible to put a heavy pressure on people who failed in the accusation of low level of passion as there are many possible causes that lead people to be unsuccessful.
Human beings tend to have ambitions and intentions
in general
case
but
not everyone
succeed
in reaching them which is
widely
believed that weak willpower is the reason for this.
However
, this essay disagrees with this belief as there are other significant causes which will
be discussed
with extensive views.
Firstly
, the factors such as condition and opportunity
must
be taken
into a consideration.
Precisely
, most of the
people
may have
generally
circumstantial, financial or family issues that can
prevent
individuals from completing their plans or goals.
For instance
, a person,
despite of
having a strong desire to study at a university, they
still
might not be able to attain due to shortage of personal budget. Another common cause of failure can be lack of experience or incorrect method of completion, meaning that
people
can have
long
ours of
hard
-work
but
still
inadequate level of power to succeed. It is true that if a person has a strong passion, d or create any opportunities for achieving success.
However
, in
some
cases, failure seem to happen regardless of potentiality of desire.
In conclusion
, it wouldn't be sensible to put a heavy pressure on
people
who failed in the accusation of low level of passion as there are
many
possible causes that lead
people
to be unsuccessful.
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IELTS essay Failure is proof that the desire wasn't strong enough.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
215 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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