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Extreme sports fans take risks. What is the advantages and disadvantages of them. Describe your opinions

Extreme sports fans take risks. What is the advantages and disadvantages of them. Describe your opinions J0ln6
Stimulus-based sports are being more and more popular although they put sports fans' lives in danger. And it sometimes raises a question: is it worth the risk of life to have fun? The main advantage of doing extreme sports is to increase the body's limits. People can improve their tolerance by doing extra exercises. Whereas, people do sports like basketball, football or athletics as a hobby or be healthy. Another advantage of extreme sports is to have some feelings. These sports give opportunity to feel freedom and increase your speed. Actually, people want to have more freedom since they appeared. Moreover, continuously exercising tricks helps you to feel courage and gain confidence for doing some difficult tricks requires to have courage. Yet there are significant disadvantages of doing extreme sports. That they make people be at risk of dying. As a result of people always cannot cope with low temperatures and lack of oxygen at the high altitudes, they might pass away because the body is very fragile. Therefore, some risky tricks may cause people to become disabled for all their lives. Consequently, they might have to be in a wheelchair or be in a bed for the rest of their lives. As a result they could lose their freedom forever in order to feel it for a while. In conclusion, I think these kinds of sports have more long-term disadvantages for the live of human and nothing is worth taking a risk of life.
Stimulus-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are being more and more popular although they put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
fans'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
. And it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
raises a question: is it worth the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of life to have fun? The main advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is to increase the body's limits.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their tolerance by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
extra exercises. Whereas,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
like basketball, football or athletics as a hobby or be healthy.

Another advantage of extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
feelings. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
give opportunity to feel freedom and increase your speed. Actually,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to have more freedom since they appeared.
Moreover
,
continuously
exercising tricks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
you to feel courage and gain confidence for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
difficult tricks requires to have courage.

Yet
there are significant disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. That they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
be at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of dying.
As a result
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always cannot cope with low temperatures and lack of oxygen at the high altitudes, they might pass away
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the body is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
fragile.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
risky tricks may cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to become disabled for all their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
Consequently
, they might
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be in a wheelchair or be in a bed for the rest of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
As a result
they could lose their freedom forever in order to feel it for a while.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
have more long-term disadvantages for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
of human and nothing is worth taking a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of life.
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IELTS essay Extreme sports fans take risks. What is the advantages and disadvantages of them. Describe your opinions

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
245 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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