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Extra classes at the weekend

Extra classes at the weekend D6Yd7
In my point of view children should learn as they want if they have no aim to learn, we don't need to make them learn. Because it is useless and would be harmful for them. Furthermore they are more keen on fun, that's why we need them feel fry rather than making them study. The coin has two sides. Other parents are likely to do so but If they are really want to study at weekends, we have to let them do whatever they want. Actually it depends on the child if so why don't we make them do. It is said that in Europe parents are more likely to teach and control even it is holiday. Within this they make them go to tutiour everyday. Sometimes it would be useful but not all children think like this. As a father I prefer not studying at weekends because they should work on themselves. They will learn while playing outside or inside of the place. However they will learn everything. To sum up I want to say that It is up to children and parents, how they would spend their valuable time at weekends.
In my point of view children should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
if they have no aim to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
, we don't need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
it is useless and would be harmful for them.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
they are more keen on fun, that's why we need them feel fry
rather
than making them study. The coin has two sides. Other parents are likely to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
If they are
really
Consider using a past participle here: "wanted".
want
to study at weekends, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them do whatever they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
. Actually it depends on the child if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
why don't we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them do. It
is said
that in Europe parents are more likely to teach and control even it is holiday. Within this they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them go to
Possible spelling mistake found.
tutiour
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
it would be useful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not all children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
like this. As a father I prefer not studying at weekends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they should work on themselves. They will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
while playing outside or
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "inside".
inside of
the place.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
everything. To sum up I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to say that It is up to children and parents, how they would spend their valuable time at weekends.

IELTS essay Extra classes at the weekend

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
193 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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