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Experts say older people were happier and healthier in the past because they did more exercise and spent more time with family and friends, whereas now many suffer loneliness and health problems. What are the causes of this and what are some solutions? v.8

Experts say older people were happier and healthier in the past because they did more exercise and spent more time with family and friends, whereas now many suffer loneliness and health problems. What are the causes of this and what are some solutions? v. 8
These days, many old people are not as happy and healthy as before because they could do more daily physical activities and spend more time with family and friends in the past. There are several causes for this problem and some measures can be taken. There are several reasons for this issue. The main reason is that mobile phone takes people away from the real world. Although it is easier for people to entertain and contact others, the chances of face-to-face communication appear to grow less and less. In the past, older people would make an routinely to go to park for exercise such as jogging or practising Tai Chi in the morning. But now, once older people get up, the mobile phone is easily at hand. It is obvious that they have found a new way to kill time, hence mobile phones are taking the place of real friends. Besides, with the development of communication tools, it is unnecessary for older people to take a long trip to meet family or friends. They can send messages and make a video call by phone to each other. As a result, people spend much of the day on their phones rather than going out to real people. So older people feel lonelier and face more health problems, because of lack of activity. However, there are various measures that can be taken to address this trend which need the co-operation of the whole society. The community can set-up exercise clubs for elderly, especially and encourage them to make friends in the real world. And exercise plans which are made by special tutors for older people can increase their motivation. In addition, when their family or friends visit them, they are supposed to put down their phones and talk with others sincerely. In conclusion, if older people can pay more attention to the real world and take part in activities offline, they will get more happiness and become healthier.
These days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not as happy and healthy as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they could do more daily physical activities and spend more time with family and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
in the past. There are several causes for this problem and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures can
be taken
.

There are several reasons for this issue. The main reason is that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
takes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
away from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
world. Although it is easier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to entertain and contact others, the chances of face-to-face communication appear to grow less and less. In the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
routinely
to go to park for exercise such as jogging or
Possible spelling mistake. 'practising' is British English.
practising
Tai Chi in the morning.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, once
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
up, the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is
easily
at hand. It is obvious that they have found a new way to kill time,
hence
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are taking the place of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
Besides
, with the development of communication tools, it is unnecessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to take a long trip to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
family or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
messages and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a video call by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
to each other.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend much of the day on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
rather
than going out to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel lonelier and face more health problems,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lack of activity.

However
, there are various measures that can
be taken
to address this trend which need the co-operation of the whole society. The community
The verb 'set up' is spelled as two words. The noun 'setup' is spelled as one.
can set-up
exercise clubs for elderly,
especially
and encourage them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
world. And exercise plans which
are made
by special tutors for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can increase their motivation.
In addition
, when their family or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
visit them, they
are supposed
to put down their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and talk with others
sincerely
.

In conclusion
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can pay more attention to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
world and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in activities offline, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more happiness and become healthier.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Experts say older people were happier and healthier in the past because they did more exercise and spent more time with family and friends, whereas now many suffer loneliness and health problems. What are the causes of this and what are some solutions? v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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