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Expects say older people were happier and healthier in the past because they did more exercise and spent more time with family and friends, whereas now many suffer loneliness and health problems. What are the causes of this and what are some solutions?

Expects say older people were happier and healthier in the past because they did more exercise and spent more time with family and friends, whereas now many suffer loneliness and health problems. What are the causes of this and what are some solutions? jqqy
In the past, older people were much healthier and happiest because they used to do exercise and they use to spend more time with friends and family. There are some causes and measurements to be taken. There are some reasons that old people are unhealthy today. The main reason is mobile phone. By waking up in the morning they are holding mobiles rather than going to a walk or having breakfast. They are also not talking with their friends, they are mostly interested in scrolling social media. They are not going out with family or friends. Although, it is easier for people to entertain and contact others, one can make a call anytime or anywhere. In the olden days, they used to wake and go park for physical exercise such as jogging or yoga etc. They used to travel a long trip to meet any relative but now they are making a video calls. so, according to the change of technology they are feeling more lonelier and unhealthy. There are some measures to be taken to maintain senior citizens healthu and happy. Authorities can manage for exercise club. They can arrange special tutors to encourage elder people to stay fit and fine. in the conclusion, if older people will pay attention to the real world and exercise every morning they will be more healthier and happiest.
In the past, older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were much healthier and happiest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to do
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
exercise and
they
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
spend more time with friends and family. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
causes and measurements to
be taken
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unhealthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. The main reason is mobile phone. By waking up in the morning they are holding mobiles
rather
than going to a walk or having breakfast. They are
also
not talking with their friends, they are
mostly
interested in scrolling social media. They are not going out with family or friends. Although, it is easier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to entertain and contact others, one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a call anytime or anywhere. In the olden days, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to wake and go park for physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
such as jogging or yoga etc. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to travel a long trip to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
any relative
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they are making a video calls.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
, according to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of technology they are feeling
Use only "lonelier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more lonelier
and unhealthy. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures to
be taken
to maintain senior citizens
Possible spelling mistake found.
healthu
and happy. Authorities can manage for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
club. They can arrange special tutors to encourage elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to stay fit and fine.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
the conclusion, if older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will pay attention to the real world and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
every morning they will be
Use only "healthier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more healthier
and happiest.
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IELTS essay Expects say older people were happier and healthier in the past because they did more exercise and spent more time with family and friends, whereas now many suffer loneliness and health problems. What are the causes of this and what are some solutions?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
226 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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