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Excess consumption of sugar is increasing health problems. Some people think it government’s responsibility to limit people’s consumption while others think it’s the individual’s responsibility to take care of it. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Excess consumption of sugar is increasing health problems. Some people think it government’s responsibility to limit people’s consumption while others think it’s the individual’s responsibility to take care of it. Discuss both views and give your opinion Y9OQ
The rise in lifestyle disorders and other diseases due to increased consumption of sugary foods has been under scrutiny for a while. Although many people feel it is the government’s responsibility to control people’s sugar intake, I believe that it is an individuals’ responsibility to ensure their own well-being. On the one hand, the occurrence of heart diseases and lifestyle conditions like obesity due to increased consumption of sugar is evident in the past few years. Not only have they increased, but they are also affecting the mortality rate of the population. It is the governments’ responsibility to take care of their citizens and set an example to other nations. This can be achieved by encouraging the consumption of healthy food, organizing marathons and regulating the sugar intake at local eateries. For example, it has been observed that the population residing in areas where the government has established rules for reduced sugar intake at eateries are twice as likely to be healthier than other places. Therefore, it is important for individuals to take responsibility for their health. On the other hand, if an individual is not motivated enough to take charge of their well-being, no amount of government rules would suffice. By choosing healthier options like consuming a balanced diet and indulging in routine physical activity, one can easily avoid acquiring heart diseases and reasonably increase their life span. For instance, people who take part in leading a healthy lifestyle have minimal chances of acquiring heart disorders in comparison to the other population. Thus, taking charge of our own health is a much desirable approach towards staying healthy. To conclude, contrary to many people’s opinion of the government taking responsibility for solving their health problems, I believe that it is the individuals’ responsibility to keep their health in check by eating healthy and exercising on a daily basis.
The rise in lifestyle disorders and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
diseases due to increased consumption of sugary foods has been under scrutiny for a while. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
to control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
intake, I believe that it is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
to ensure their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
well-being.

On the one hand, the occurrence of heart diseases and lifestyle conditions like obesity due to increased consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
is evident in the past few years. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have they increased,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are
also
affecting the mortality rate of the population. It is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
to take care of their citizens and set an example to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nations. This can
be achieved
by encouraging the consumption of healthy food, organizing marathons and regulating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
intake at local eateries.
For example
, it has
been observed
that the population residing in areas where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has established
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
intake at eateries are twice as likely to be healthier than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
places.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
for their health.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, if an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
is not motivated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to take charge of their well-being, no amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
would suffice. By choosing healthier options like consuming a balanced diet and indulging in routine physical activity, one can
easily
avoid acquiring heart diseases and
reasonably
increase their life span.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in leading a healthy lifestyle have minimal chances of acquiring heart disorders
in comparison
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
population.
Thus
, taking charge of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
health is a much desirable approach towards staying healthy.

To conclude
, contrary to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
opinion of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
for solving their health problems, I believe that it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their health in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
by eating healthy and exercising on a daily basis.
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IELTS essay Excess consumption of sugar is increasing health problems. Some people think it government’s responsibility to limit people’s consumption while others think it’s the individual’s responsibility to take care of it. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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