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The money spent by governments on space programmes would be better spent on vital public services such as schools and hospitals. Do you agree or disagree?

The money spent by governments on space programmes would be better spent on vital public services such as schools and hospitals. rqdl
It is argued that the amount used by the authorities for space programmes can be used for social activities like education and those who need medical support. I completely agree with this statement because it is the responsibility of the government to support the normal people who are in need of other than luxury activities. Firstly, for raising a space programme, it is necessary to train scientists, supporting staffs and all the one who included in the project as it is a huge fund-raising activity. In other word, if enough training is not given to the experts it will end up with great loss to the society as well as the administration. To instantiate, one science journal called “Advances in space and astronomy” in their volume 8 mentioned certain examples of such kind of losses that happens in Colombia for the last few decades. However, it is essential to gave additional work support for the people and therefore it will be an additional burden to the government to bear all these intakes. Secondly, to start a school or hospital, only minimum amount is needed when compared with the other one. This is because, in many countries we can see enormous people who have completed their studies in medicine as well as education, this is because people understood the value of education and its necessity and they are agree to share their knowledge and service with others. For instance, few months back Department of Management and Studies of IIM conducted a survey based on willingness of doctors to work for the society as a social service and around 70% reacted positive to this. Hence, it is definitely a great activity if government proceeds with such kind of community welfare packages. To conclude, spending money for space programmes can be used for the goodness of public and I believe that, such amount will not be a loss for the community because a good generation will always help to built the nation and therefore, we can construct our country with well-educated and mannered individuals.
It
is argued
that the amount
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by the authorities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for social activities like education and those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
need medical support. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is the responsibility of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to support the normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are in need of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
than luxury activities.

Firstly
, for raising a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
, it is necessary to train scientists, supporting staffs and all the one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
included in the project as it is a huge fund-raising activity. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
word, if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
training is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the experts it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up with great loss to the society
as well
as the administration. To instantiate, one science journal called “Advances in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
and astronomy” in their volume 8 mentioned certain examples of such kind of losses that happens in Colombia for the last few decades.
However
, it is essential to gave additional work support for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
therefore
it will be an additional burden to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to bear all these intakes.

Secondly
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a school or hospital,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
minimum amount
is needed
when compared with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
one. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
enormous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have completed their studies in medicine
as well
as education, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
understood the value of education and its
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
necessity and
they are
Consider using a past participle here: "agreed".
agree
to share their knowledge and service with others.
For instance
, few months back Department of Management and Studies of IIM conducted a survey based on willingness of doctors to work for the society as a social service and around 70% reacted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
to this.
Hence
, it is definitely a great activity if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
proceeds with such kind of community welfare packages.

To conclude
, spending money for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for the goodness of public and I believe that, such amount will not be a loss for the community
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
generation will always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
Did you mean "to build"?
to built
the nation and
therefore
, we can construct our country with well-educated and mannered individuals.
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IELTS essay The money spent by governments on space programmes would be better spent on vital public services such as schools and hospitals.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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