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Everybody would like to be rich and famous

Everybody would like to be rich and famous eA8yK
Everybody would like to be a rich and famous. Everybody is attracted by money and wants to be a well-known and a well-being person. In lives they spend all their time to achieve prospects. Generally, rich people are famous like singers, footballers actors, politics, they are often admired by a lot of people with their life and personality. In this essay I will show the effects of being millioner and a popular person. Firstly, money and reputation contribute to pleasure but you cannot have everything. For example, these people cannot feel real love. When you are rich, you do not really know who are your real friends. They may be with you only for your money. An addition to this, most of the time public who meet you, are impressed to speak with politely so they are unnatural when they speak with you. That means you seems different because of your money and your reputation. It is not easy to live like this everyday. Another point is that, people think to be rich and famous can bring happiness, it is wrong. Because we could buy everything if we are rich but if someone who is sick or has an accident, you cannot buy health. . On the other hand, being famous is the worst thing which has family. Because famous people have not private life, everybody knows everything about that person including the most private things. And If they have children it is difficult to spend their time with them without being disturbed by people. Thirdly, being rich has a lot of advantages. It can give people happy days or it can help to deal with problems. For example, If you have amount of money you can travel to abroad or study or buy everything which you need. Also money can solve problems relating to health. And some couples divorce with financial difficulties and people have an opportunity in all time if they are rich and famous. To sum up, the money and fame are not the most important things. the smallest things like a smile hug, a real love, the health of your family and friends are the things which can bring happiness to us. But people can live happy with a lot of money if they waste it correctl
Everybody would like to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
.

Everybody
is attracted
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and wants to be a well-known and a well-being person. In
The comma is probably missing here: "lives, they".
lives they
spend all their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to achieve prospects.
Generally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
like singers, footballers actors, politics, they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
admired by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with their life and personality. In this essay I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the effects of being
Possible spelling mistake found.
millioner
and a popular person.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and reputation contribute to pleasure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
you cannot have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everything
.
For example
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot feel real
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
. When you are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
, you do not
really
know who are your real friends. They may be with you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. An addition to this, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
public who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
you,
are impressed
to speak with
politely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are unnatural when they speak with you. That means you
The pronoun 'you' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "seem"
seems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and your reputation. It is not easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
like this
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
.

Another point is that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
can bring happiness, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
we could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everything
if we are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if someone who is sick or has an accident, you cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
health.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
On the other hand
, being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
is the worst thing which has family.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have not private life, everybody knows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everything
about that person including the most private things. And If they have children it is difficult to spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with them without
being disturbed
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Thirdly
, being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
advantages. It can give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
happy days or it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to deal with problems.
For example
, If you have amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
you can travel to abroad or study or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everything
which you need.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can solve problems relating to health. And
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
couples divorce with financial difficulties and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have an opportunity in all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
if they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
.

To sum up, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and fame are not the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
smallest things like a smile hug, a real
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, the health of your family and friends are the things which can bring happiness to us.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
happy with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
if they waste it
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
correctl

IELTS essay Everybody would like to be rich and famous

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
380 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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