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Every year several languages die out. Some people think that this not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Every year several languages die out. Some people think that this not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world. with this opinion? K2g0
No one can deny that globalization has a major effect on the extinction of some languages. Meanwhile, some people consider that it is not important to protect them as life will be easier with fewer languages, I disagree with this statement. I believe that the existence of different languages is essential. I will elaborate on my opinion in the following paragraphs. First of all, when local languages are dying out the possibility of effective communication will dramatically drop. Moreover, old people cannot convey important messages or even handle the daily relationship, because they lost vital tool for communicate with other. With passing time, a great number of the local languages in Iran are dying out, especially Laki one. Most of the children and teenagers do not speak in their mother tongue anymore. Based on my personal experience, every day I am witnessing that my father and my nieces cannot speak and communicate together in a proper way because of their language. Secondly, languages are not just sets of words and grammar rules, they are fundamental tools to understand different cultures and traditions. In addition, historians believe that languages have a vast background of cultural knowledge behind them, and when languages die out, the great opportunity to study this cultural background is lost or at least damaged. Also, many kinds of literature, songs, and poems are narrated only in local languages. For instance, there are many famous pieces of folk music and lyrics written in the regional languages of the northern and southern parts of Iran. In conclusion, I strongly disagree with the idea of having fewer languages to have an easier life. Local languages are so vital for inhabitants because it has a rich source of culture and even a great way to communicate with other, especially young generation.
No one can deny that globalization has a major effect on the extinction of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
. Meanwhile,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider that it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to protect them as life will be easier with fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
, I disagree with this statement. I believe that the existence of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
is essential. I will elaborate on my opinion in the following paragraphs.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
are dying out the possibility of effective communication will
dramatically
drop.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
cannot convey
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
messages or even handle the daily relationship,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they lost vital tool for communicate with other. With passing time, a great number of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
in Iran are dying out,
especially
Possible spelling mistake found.
Laki
one. Most of the children and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
do not speak in their mother tongue anymore. Based on my personal experience, every day I am witnessing that my father and my nieces cannot speak and communicate together
Consider replacing "in a proper way" with the adverb for "proper"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a proper way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their language.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
sets of words and grammar
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
, they are fundamental tools to understand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures and traditions.
In addition
, historians believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
have a vast background of cultural knowledge behind them, and when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
out, the great opportunity to study this cultural background
is lost
or at least damaged.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of literature, songs, and poems
are narrated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
.
For instance
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
pieces of folk music and lyrics written in the regional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
of the northern and southern parts of Iran.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of having fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
to have an easier life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
vital for inhabitants
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has a rich source of culture and even a great way to communicate with other,
especially
young generation.
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IELTS essay Every year several languages die out. Some people think that this not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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