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Nowadays, people prefer to live and work anywhere they want because of the improvement in transportation and technology. Discuss the benefits and the drawbacks of this?

Nowadays, people prefer to live and work anywhere they want because of the improvement in transportation and technology. Discuss the benefits and the drawbacks of this? 7exy
Nowadays, music is becoming important part of our life everyone likes to listening music from youngsters to the elderly. I partially agree with above statement because sometime language is required for singing whereas to play music we required only instruments so let us discuss about it. Music is a one kind of sense which we can fill it. For playing music musician required only instruments, language is not important that much as instruments. Moreover, many people are enjoying international music even they do not understand their language for example, one of my friend is listening Korean music, she is not able to understand that language but she is fan of Korean music. Many international musicians are doing their live concerts all over the world and most of the people attend it because of his voice. Also many musicians have international fan following. Languages are used for communication and most of the music has the potential to describe story that understood by individuals. Music consists of sound rather than intelligent speech. It is very difficult to convey effective information or even thoughts by using music. Most of the people are not listening same music at all so we cannot say it universal if it leaves certain people. There are many languages which are using in different countries so they are making music in their language. So, many people are not able to understand the content of music because of different languages. So, music is not a universal language of mankind but sometimes to create music languages are required.
Nowadays,
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music
is becoming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of our life everyone likes to listening
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music
from youngsters to the elderly. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with above statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
sometime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
required
for singing whereas to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
required
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
instruments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us
Did you mean simply "discuss it"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about it
.

Music is a one kind of sense which we can fill it. For playing
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music
musician
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
required
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
instruments,
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language
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that much as instruments.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are enjoying international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
even they do not understand their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
for example
, one of my friend is listening Korean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, she is not able to understand that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
she is
Consider using a past participle here: "fanned".
fan
of Korean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
international musicians are doing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
concerts all over the world and most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
attend it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his voice.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
musicians have international fan following.

Languages are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for communication and most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has the potential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
story that understood by individuals.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
consists of sound
rather
than intelligent speech. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to convey effective information or even thoughts by using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not listening same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
at all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we cannot say it universal if it
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leaves
certain
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people
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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languages
which are using in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not able to understand the content of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
languages.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is not a universal
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language
of mankind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
to create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
required
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, people prefer to live and work anywhere they want because of the improvement in transportation and technology. Discuss the benefits and the drawbacks of this?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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