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Every country should have a free health service, even if this means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through the service because they are too expensive. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge v.20

Every country should have a free health service, even if this means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through the service because they are too expensive. 20
Education is an essential part of every children. However, in some nations in Europe few children from the age of 11 to 13 commutes to school to study more practical skills which assist them to obtain a job, others focus more on academics. I am of the opinion that, academic study is more vital than any other at school level. According to European people, they think that children have been ready for further opportunities, as a result, they teach them real knowledge which help them in future jobs, to contradict it, I reckon this kind of study is essential but not at school age, where kids need more attention on academics. Besides, in school when they bestow more time in class study, then they will become a connoisseur in mathematics, science etc. Which plays an indispensable role when they will become a working professional. I suggest, firstly, each school must focus on academic study only, as we found it is very important to them. Secondly, they can teach them vocational knowledge after 10th standard where children are fully educated with the basic skills. Conversely, if you try to teach both before 10th class, then the pupils may confuse with it. For example, my own son who is in 7th standard and I enrolled him to "machine learning" classes. As a consequence, with school and class study he is unable to focus either academics or extra classes. To recapitulate, I repeat that providing practical knowledge about the job is required, but it needs a specific school level of children.
Education is an essential part of every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "child"?
children
.
However
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations in Europe few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from the age of 11 to 13 commutes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
more practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which assist them to obtain a job, others focus more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academics
. I am of the opinion that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
is more vital than any other at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
level.

According to European
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have been ready for
further
opportunities,
as a result
, they teach them real knowledge which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in future jobs, to contradict it, I reckon this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
is essential
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
age, where kids need more attention on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academics
.
Besides
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
when they bestow more time in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, then they will become a connoisseur in mathematics, science etc. Which plays an indispensable role when they will become a working professional.

I suggest,
firstly
, each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, as we found it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to them.
Secondly
, they can teach them vocational knowledge after 10th standard where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
fully
educated with the basic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Conversely
, if you try to teach both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
10th
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, then the pupils may confuse with it.
For example
, my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
son who is in 7th standard and I enrolled him to
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
machine learning
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
. As a consequence, with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
he is unable to focus either
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academics
or extra classes.

To recapitulate, I repeat that providing practical knowledge about the job
is required
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it needs a specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Every country should have a free health service, even if this means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through the service because they are too expensive. 20

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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