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Even though they are necessary and effective, sometimes they can be annoying to people. For example, if the people want to watch movie, they have to watch some advertisements

Even though they are necessary and effective, sometimes they can be annoying to people. For example, if the people want to watch movie, they have to watch some advertisements nEpVg
On the one hand, advertisement are so common that we always see advertisement on TV or websites. Even though they are necessary and effective, sometimes they can be annoying to people. For example, if the people want to watch movie, they have to watch some advertisements at first in some websites. As a result, sometimes advertisements can be really annoying and boring to people, even cause them to ignore advertisements. On the other hand, advertisements can be really effective. Since the internet can follow people’s searchings or interests, they can suggest products for people. In this situation, advertisements have really strong effects on people to buy things. For example, if the person looking for a computer, the person will see advertisements about computers after a while. Even if sometimes advertisements can be boring, they can be really useful and effective. To conclude, some people think that advertising is so important to make people buy things, whereas some people think they are not important to make people buy things anymore. Advertisements have a lot of advantages and disadvantages due to their frequency and effectiveness. In my point of view, advertisements are important in business life and they have strong effects on people if they are created by successful and creative people.
On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
common that we always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
on TV or websites.
Even though
they are necessary and effective,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they can be annoying to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
movie, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
at
first
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
websites.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
annoying and boring to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, even cause them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
advertisements.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
effective. Since the internet can follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
Possible spelling mistake found.
searchings
or interests, they can suggest products for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In this situation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
strong effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things.
For example
, if the person looking for a computer, the person will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
about computers after a while. Even if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
can be boring, they can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
useful and effective.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that advertising is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things, whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things anymore.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Advertisements
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
advantages and disadvantages due to their frequency and effectiveness. In my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in business
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
they have strong effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
if they
are created
by successful and creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Even though they are necessary and effective, sometimes they can be annoying to people. For example, if the people want to watch movie, they have to watch some advertisements

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
210 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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