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crime rates and technology

crime rates and technology m9NLr
The technology has been developing since industrial revolution at every field. These improvements revealed a lot of advantages beside disadvantages. By the way people I have started to criticized whether are these useful or not for human beings. If we focus on crime rates related with technology, I can say that it is mostly giving favor to us in security of humans and prevent the crime and determine of guilty persons more easily than old years. For instance, security cameras are key point of crimes and this would be benefit that decrease of crime rates because person who want to do guilty things would think that he/she would under arrest easily, and thus he/she would give up to do it. Also there are a lot of tools which is using to determine that who did it or when like as microscopes, UAV lights, computer programs. etc. Some of them could bring up risks like as security of private life. Consequently, technology is useful in this area according tome but it is not a solution to prevent crime. I think this issue related with education.
The technology has been developing since industrial revolution at every field. These improvements revealed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
advantages beside disadvantages. By the way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people


I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to criticized whether are these useful or not for human beings. If we focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates related with technology, I can say that it is
mostly
giving favor to us in security of humans and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and determine of guilty persons more
easily
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
years.
For instance
, security cameras are key point of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
and this would be benefit that decrease of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
person who want to do guilty things would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that he/she would under arrest
easily
, and
thus
he/she would give up to do it.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
tools which is using to determine that who did it or when like as microscopes,
Possible spelling mistake found.
UAV
lights, computer programs.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
etc
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them could bring up
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
like as security of private life.
Consequently
, technology is useful in this area according tome
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not a solution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this issue related with education.
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Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay crime rates and technology

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
184 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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