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Essential workers such as doctors, engineers, and teachers should be paid more than celebrities. What is your opinion about this?

Essential workers such as doctors, engineers, and teachers should be paid more than celebrities. What is your opinion about this? YwqwQ
There are points for and against the idea that doctors, engineers, and teachers should be paid more than celebrities. In my opinion, I disagree with this view because both sides should be paid the same. First of all, it is easy to understand that people who work in knowledge professions get paid well, because they have to spend a period of time studying, researching and intershiping the specialty. For instance, a professor completes their studies in at least 6 years. Moreover, for the doctor degree, they need to take at least 9 years to be able to work. Secondly, all this job carries a sublime mission and demands high responsibility. Doctors are always coping with the pressure to save the patient's life. Beside that, teachers are the persons who have an important role in training their students. Without the knowledge taught by teachers, the younger generation will not have the ability to become doctors, engineers or celebrities, etc. Lastly, celebrities get a high salary because they also take lots of time to practice, improve their skills and make them become more famous. However, becoming famous not only forces them to work hard but also affects their privacy whenever they go out. On the other hand, celebrities alway stressed because many people notice their actions. Consequently, it is unfair that people compare the salary between doctors, engineers and teachers with celebrities. In summary, with the different contributions of doctors, engineers, teachers and celebrities to society, all of them should be paid commensurate with capacity
There are points for and against the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineers
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
. In my opinion, I disagree with this view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
both sides should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
the same.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is easy to understand that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who work in knowledge professions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
well,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend a period of time studying, researching and
Possible spelling mistake found.
intershiping
the specialty.
For instance
, a professor completes their studies in at least 6 years.
Moreover
, for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
degree, they need to take at least 9 years to be able to work.
Secondly
, all this job carries a sublime mission and demands high responsibility.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Doctors
are always coping with the pressure to save the patient's life. Beside that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are the persons who have an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in training their students. Without the knowledge taught by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
, the younger generation will not have the ability to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineers
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
, etc.
Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a high salary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
also
take lots of time to practice,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them become more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
.
However
, becoming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
forces them to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
affects their privacy whenever they go out.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
Possible spelling mistake found.
alway
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
notice their actions.
Consequently
, it is unfair that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
compare the salary between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
. In summary, with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
contributions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineers
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
to society, all of them should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
commensurate with
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
capacity
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IELTS essay Essential workers such as doctors, engineers, and teachers should be paid more than celebrities. What is your opinion about this?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
252 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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