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Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals because individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals because individuals can do too little. v. 1
In the last decade, there has been an ongoing argument that politicians should take responsibility for the protection of the environment, since individuals are powerless to make a change. Although political figures should place a premium on environmental protection, individuals are to jointly share this burden. There are a number of reasons to believe that politicians play a crucial role in mitigating pollution. First, since environmental degradation is caused by heavy industrialisation, only the government has sufficient authority to hold these factories accountable. For example, by imposing environmental taxes on industries which are consuming a great deal of fossil fuel, the state can curb their carbon emission and force them to use renewable energy. Second, only the government can organise and finance, environmental movements at a large scale, which proves to be much more impactful than an individual’s effort. In fact, since no single citizen can attract enough funds as well as support for a significant change without political aid, their endeavour may be in vain. Nevertheless, individuals are set to shoulder the burden of environmental protection in tandem with politicians. First, since they are the building blocks of society, the common citizens are the driving force needed for every transformation. In fact, any environmental movement, regardless of its scale, requires the support of the public, which means that individual involvement is imperative for every significant victory in the war on pollution. Second, individuals are the most vulnerable before environmental degradation, which implies that they should be in pole position to combat it. This means that pollution puts peoples' lives in jeopardy, inducing them to make a stand and protect the environment in which their well. In conclusion, although political initiatives are of paramount importance to environmental protection, public support is not to be overlooked. Politicians and individuals should join forces for the betterment of the environment.
In the last decade, there has been an ongoing argument that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
should take responsibility for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protection
of the environment, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are powerless to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. Although political figures should place a premium on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protection
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are to
jointly
share this burden.

There are a number of reasons to believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
play a crucial role in mitigating pollution.
First
, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
degradation
is caused
by heavy
Possible spelling mistake. 'industrialisation' is British English.
industrialisation
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has sufficient authority to hold these factories accountable.
For example
, by imposing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
taxes on industries which are consuming a great deal of fossil fuel, the state can curb their carbon emission and force them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
renewable energy. Second,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
and finance,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
movements at a large scale, which proves to be much more impactful than an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual’s
effort. In fact, since no single citizen can attract
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
funds
as well
as support for a significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
without political aid, their
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
may be in vain.

Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are set
to shoulder the burden of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protection
in tandem with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
.
First
, since they are the building blocks of society, the common citizens are the driving force needed for every transformation. In fact, any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
movement, regardless of its scale, requires the support of the public, which means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
involvement is imperative for every significant victory in the war on pollution. Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are the most vulnerable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
degradation, which implies that they should be in pole position to combat it. This means that pollution puts peoples'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in jeopardy, inducing them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a stand and protect the environment in which their well.

In conclusion
, although political initiatives are of paramount importance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protection
, public support is not to
be overlooked
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Politicians
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
forces for the betterment of the environment.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individuals because individuals can do too little. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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