Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. qYQE
It is undeniable that increasing number of companies are seeking more than the essential information about any employee before hiring. However, in many cases, these are only formalities and the employers are least bothered about this later on. Some individuals think that the data related to the leisure activities, food habits and marital status are extremely useful, while others hold the perception that it is unnecessary activity. I stand with the former ones. The reasons for my stance shall be discussed by me with some concrete examples. First and foremost, it is of paramount importance that not only employees, but also employers should live and operate in practical scenario. The deeper insights in any employee's life will help the employers take appropriats decisions in times of turmoil. For example, if a labour is facing financial crisis and five members are dependent on him, the situation could be brought into the light of higher authorities in case of unavoidable circumstances. Secondly, many multi-national companies are organising different functions from time to time. In that case, whether any employee can participate and perform on stage without any hesitation could be well understood by the host beforehand. As for instance, one of my former colleagues had earlier mentioned that he is good in playing piano as well as guitar. So, in an annual meet, he was directly invited onto the dais and an acoustic guitar was handed over to him to cheer up the gathered audience. Contrastingly, some agree that all these information is of no relevance and mere wastage of time and pages. According to one such study, the un-organized sector in any field constitutes about 70% of our country and having collected the personal information once, they tend to give least importance to the compiled data. Agglomerating my views, I reiterate that, although a section of individuals think that gathering any personal information is only a formality, the trend is now changing and more and more companies are actually utilizing this data for providing multiple benefits to the employees.
It is undeniable that increasing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are seeking more than the essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
hiring.
However
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases, these are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
formalities and the employers are least bothered about this later on.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the data related to the leisure activities, food habits and marital status are
extremely
useful, while others hold the perception that it is unnecessary activity. I stand with the former ones. The reasons for my stance shall
be discussed
by me with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
concrete examples.

First
and foremost, it is of paramount importance that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
employers should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and operate in practical scenario. The deeper insights in any employee's life will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the employers take
Possible spelling mistake found.
appropriats
decisions in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
of turmoil.
For example
, if a
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
is facing financial crisis and five members are dependent on him, the situation could
be brought
into the light of higher authorities in case of unavoidable circumstances.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
multi-national
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
functions from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
In that case
, whether any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
can participate and perform on stage without any hesitation could be well understood by the host beforehand. As
for instance
, one of my former colleagues had earlier mentioned that he is
The usual preposition for this expression is "at". Did you mean, "good at playing"?
good in playing
piano
as well
as guitar.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in an annual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
, he was
directly
invited onto the dais and an acoustic guitar
was handed
over to him to cheer up the gathered audience.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Contrastingly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that all these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is of no relevance and mere wastage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and pages. According to one such study, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
un-organized
sector in any field constitutes about 70% of our country and having collected the personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
once, they tend to give
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
importance to the compiled data.

Agglomerating my views, I reiterate that, although a section of individuals
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "thinks"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'think' is not always incorrect.)
think
that gathering any personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a formality, the trend is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
changing and more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are actually utilizing this data for providing multiple benefits to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
338 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.