Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.41

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 41
Some companies want to know the personal details about the employees like, their hobbies, interest area and married or not. By knowing this information as per my opinion, one should identify the one’s stability in the company and work ability, while others think that this information is not matter it depends on the situation. To begin with, one of the important reasons is that some recruiters believe that knowing about marital status gives the idea about how long one should continue the job. This type of information will be asked for most of the girls. For Example, after marriage girls, shift to the husband’s home; there may be possibility that girls what to change the job after the short period of the joining the company. Moreover, knowing the employee, hobby and interest area allows to judge the person having knowledge of the technology, even it also possible to decide their performance ability. Thus, this type of information will be helpful to decide the person’s capacity, whether possible for them to handle a certain job responsibility. On the other hand, there are certain people in human resource department, they think that during interview asking personal information is not much important for the person selecting. Firstly, they believe selection must be based on the knowledge and experience a person having for a particular, job. As having experience, they will able to manage their responsibilities. For instance, Research conducted shows that as a person’s hobby will change as per time spend; that is not considered as a good selection option. Furthermore, one should can contribute more working hour to the company, even if having, a married status, that depend on the individual choice not on their status. Thus, the selection criteria for the employment will be the knowledge and experience of the person. In conclusion, some employers consider the personal information as not important, they think this depends on the situation, while others say that knowing the ability and interest as a result improves the performance. The government should promote this attitude.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
want to know the personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
about the employees like, their hobbies, interest area and married or not. By
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowing
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
as per my opinion, one should identify the one’s stability in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and work ability, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is not matter it depends on the situation.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reasons is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
recruiters believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowing
about marital status gives the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about how long one should continue the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. This type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
asked for
most of the girls.
For Example
, after marriage girls, shift to the husband’s home; there may be possibility that girls what to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
after the short period of the joining the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowing
the employee, hobby and interest area
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
to judge the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
knowledge of the technology, even it
also
possible to decide their performance ability.
Thus
, this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
will be helpful to decide the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
capacity, whether possible for them to handle a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
responsibility.

On the other hand
, there are certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in human resource department, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that during interview asking personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is not much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
selecting.
Firstly
, they believe selection
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be based
on the knowledge and experience a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
for a particular,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
experience, they
Did you mean "will be able"?
will able
to manage their responsibilities.
For instance
, Research conducted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
hobby will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
as per time spend;
that is
not considered as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
selection option.
Furthermore
, one
Two modal verbs connected. Did you mean: "should, can", "should" or "can"?
should can
contribute more working hour to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, even if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
, a married status, that depend on the individual choice not on their status.
Thus
, the selection criteria for the employment will be the knowledge and experience of the person.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
employers consider the personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
as not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this depends on the situation, while others say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowing
the ability and interest
as a result
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the performance. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should promote this attitude.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 41

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts