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THE CONSUMPTION OF THE WORLD’S RESOURCES (OIL AND WATER ETC) IS INCREASING AT A DANGEROUS RATE. WHAT ARE THE CAUSES AND SOLUTION.

THE CONSUMPTION OF THE WORLD’S RESOURCES (OIL AND WATER ETC) IS INCREASING AT A DANGEROUS RATE. WHAT ARE THE CAUSES AND SOLUTION? v. 2
A very common debate is going on proper utilisation of natural resources available on Earth these resources demand is increasing at alarming rate. Common resources like petroleum and water. It can be categorised into category renewable ( water) and nonrenewable ( oil). Therefore first I would be discussing the major causes related of this problem and then suggest some handy solutions for this. One of the major cause behind this problem is less awareness in society to this global issues. Which are wasting water and more usage of fossil fuels. That's why it is a major concern for the world. people have a knowledge but their ignorance is taking us close to disaster. They think earth has 70% of water but they are unaware that only 1% is suitable for drinking. Hence more the demand more will be the consumption. another reason link to more demand and usage is continuous growth in population. It's a basic knowledge as population will increase the demand will automatically increase. Moreover this is a very serious problem which is linked to farmers in efficient irrigation techniques for farming their crops. There was a shocking article in newspaper for wasting of water around the globe which was more than 45 trillion gallons. I also have a habit of opening taps while brushing which which results in loss of many gallons of water per day. on the other hand use of fossil fuels features a lot of problems like carbon emission, increase in breathing patients and global warming. so we have to step up and limit its usage and move towards a change which is used using of renewable resources. Talking about solutions very good example is rainwater harvesting system which utilizes the rainwater efficiently which could be used for household purpose and watering plants. We are very good example in front us is that in each house of no way they have this system installed already, this shows that they are concerned for this global scarcity of water. we could avoid use of washing plates with hand and use effective dishwashers which saves lot of water. On the other hand we as a human beings have a responsibility of protecting our environment. next chapter we as a responsible human can take is using electric cars and photovoltaic devices in place of using these fossil fuels. We can also prefer use of cycles for short distance travel instead of taking diesel cars. Initial it's our earth and our responsibility to take care of our nature this solution can put a hold over this issue but if we don't apply in our daily life this problem will still continue with us.
A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common debate is going on proper
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilisation' is British English.
utilisation
of natural resources available on Earth these resources
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
is increasing at alarming rate. Common resources like petroleum and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
. It can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'categorised' is British English.
categorised
into category renewable
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water)
and nonrenewable
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
oil).
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
first
I would be discussing the major causes related of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
and then suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
handy solutions for this.

One of the major cause behind this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is less awareness in society to this global issues. Which are wasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
and more usage of fossil fuels. That's why it is a major concern for the world.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
have a knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their ignorance is taking us close to disaster. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
earth has 70% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are unaware that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
1% is suitable for drinking.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
more the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
more will be the consumption.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
another
reason link to more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
and usage is continuous growth in population. It's
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "basic knowledge".
a basic knowledge
as population will increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
will
automatically
increase.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
which
is linked
to farmers in efficient irrigation techniques for farming their crops. There was a shocking article in newspaper for wasting of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
around the globe which was more than 45 trillion gallons. I
also
have a habit of opening taps while brushing
Possible typo: you repeated a word
which which
results in loss of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
gallons of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
per day.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the other hand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of fossil fuels features
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
like carbon emission, increase in breathing patients and global warming.
Use a comma before 'so' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
so
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
step up and limit its usage and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
towards a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
using of renewable resources.

Talking about solutions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example is rainwater harvesting system which utilizes the rainwater
efficiently
which could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for household purpose and watering plants. We are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example in front us is that in each
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
of no way they have this system installed already, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that they
are concerned
for this global scarcity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
we
could avoid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of washing plates with hand and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
effective dishwashers which saves
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
.
On the other hand
we as a human
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "being"?
beings
have a responsibility of protecting our environment.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
next
chapter we as a responsible human can take is using electric cars and photovoltaic devices in place of using these fossil fuels. We can
also
prefer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of cycles for short distance travel
instead
of taking diesel cars.

Initial it's our earth and our responsibility to take care of our nature this solution can put a hold over this issue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if we don't apply in our daily life this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
will
still
continue with us.
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Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay THE CONSUMPTION OF THE WORLD’S RESOURCES (OIL AND WATER ETC) IS INCREASING AT A DANGEROUS RATE. WHAT ARE THE CAUSES AND SOLUTION.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
444 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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