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employers should give for weeks of holiday to their employees. to what extent do you agree or disagree

employers should give for weeks of holiday to their employees. W5A3k
Undeniably, work stress is a major growing concern across the globe. In this context, it is argued that employers must provide at least 4 weeks’ holidays per annum, for the betterment of their employees. I concur with the given statement and the reasons supporting my point of view have been elaborated in the subsequent paragraphs. To begin with, due to increased working hours and work stress employees are prone to stress which has detrimental effect on their health. In most of the cases it is observed that working professional commits suicide due to the stress. So, the companies must offer their employees a minimum of 4 weeks of annual leave. As a result, staff members use their holidays to plan vacations with their families or pursue their hobbies which replenish them and gives energy to work more productively. Beside this, they can balance their personal and professional life effectively without any conflicts. Furthermore, by providing annual leaves companies can also be benefited. Firstly, if companies provide such facilities it helps in talent acquisition especially new job seekers and potential employees, which ultimately increases the firm’s productivity. For instance, numerous multi-national firms provide benefits like annual, sick and earned leaves and also other facilities to encourage their staff which reduces stress, improves work efficiency and ultimately improves the company reputation in the market. Lastly, I believe that employees feel they are cared about and important. In conclusion, I reiterate that I am strongly in agreement with the idea that employers should provide all the benefits and facilities to the workforce, as it is beneficial for the both.
Undeniably
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
is a major growing concern across the globe. In this context, it
is argued
that employers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
at least 4 weeks’ holidays per annum, for the betterment of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
. I concur with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement and the reasons supporting my point of view have
been elaborated
in the subsequent paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, due to increased working hours and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are prone to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
which has detrimental effect on their health. In most of the cases it
is observed
that working professional commits suicide due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
offer their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
a minimum of 4 weeks of annual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
.
As a result
, staff members
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their holidays to plan vacations with their families or pursue their hobbies which replenish them and gives energy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more
productively
. Beside this, they can balance their personal and professional life
effectively
without any conflicts.

Furthermore
, by providing annual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
can
also
be benefited
.
Firstly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
such facilities it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in talent acquisition
especially
new job seekers and potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, which
ultimately
increases the firm’s productivity.
For instance
, numerous multi-national firms
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
benefits like annual, sick and earned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
and
also
other facilities to encourage their staff which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
efficiency and
ultimately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
reputation in the market.
Lastly
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
feel they
are cared
about and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

In conclusion
, I reiterate that I am
strongly
in agreement with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that employers should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
all the benefits and facilities to the workforce, as it is beneficial for the both.
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IELTS essay employers should give for weeks of holiday to their employees.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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