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Successful people should not try new things or take risk

Successful people should not try new things or take risk bEP9l
Successful people have their own sign of excellence in their preferred field. Their efficacy in their respective fields is beyond any doubt. Personally in my opinion, it is better for them to stick in their own field and not to try new things or to take risk which may create an adverse effect in their own career. Firstly, if a man is successful in a particular field doesn’t imply that he or she is that much efficient in any other fields. They have earned fame by achieving the excellence in their own field. They have loved their field and have learnt it thoroughly with enthusiasm and have got the prestigious place. But if he or she tends to take risk to achieve success or excellence in any other field then they may come through a failure which will hamper their mental peace and creates depression. As for example one of my friend, had got 100 percent marks in statistics, was compelled to join medical college because of parental pressure. But unfortunately, he was unable to achieve that level of excellence in this field and then he was in severe depression for one year or more. Then his family realized their mistake and decided to cancel his admission from the medical college and then they admitted him in a college with his subject preference. Secondly, while taking risk the failure we face may create so adverse effect that when we return back to our preferred field, we may not able to keep our excellence level that much high. Thus, degradation of success may occur. This creates loss of dignity and fame in our respective fields. For example, again I would like to mention about my friend of whom I have mentioned in the previous paragraph. After he had got admission in one of the famous statistical institutes of our country, he was unable to achieve the % he secured previously. He was sent to psychologist for professional help. But the doctor has said that his damage is so severe that it will take much time for recovery. So, from the above-mentioned examples it is clear that taking risk and trying new things for successful people other than their specified fields often create adverse effects. I would personally prefer to stay in a specific field and try my level best to achieve anything excel than excellence.
Successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
excellence
in their preferred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
. Their efficacy in their respective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
is beyond any doubt.
Personally
in my opinion, it is better for them to stick in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
and not to try new things or to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
which may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
an adverse effect in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
career.

Firstly
, if a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
is successful in a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
doesn’t imply that he or she is that much efficient in any other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
. They have earned fame by achieving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
excellence
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
. They have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
and have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
it
thoroughly
with enthusiasm and have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the prestigious place.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
if he or she tends to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
success or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
excellence
in any other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
then they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
through a failure which will hamper their mental peace and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creates
depression. As
for example
one of my friend, had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
100 percent marks in statistics,
was compelled
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
medical college
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of parental pressure.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
unfortunately, he was unable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
that level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
excellence
in this
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
field and
then he was in severe depression for one year or more. Then his family realized their mistake and decided to cancel his admission from the medical
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
college and
then they admitted him in a college with his subject preference.

Secondly
, while taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
the failure we face may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
adverse effect that when we
Consider using "return".
return back
to our preferred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
, we may not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
excellence
level that much high.
Thus
, degradation of success may occur. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creates
loss of dignity and fame in our respective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
.
For example
, again I would like to
Did you mean simply "mention my"? You do not need the word "about" here.
mention about my
friend of whom I have mentioned in the previous paragraph. After he had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
admission in one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
statistical institutes of our country, he was unable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
the % he secured previously. He was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to psychologist for professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the doctor has said that his damage is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
severe that it will take much time for recovery.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, from the above-mentioned examples it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
and trying new things for successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
other than their specified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
adverse effects. I would
personally
prefer to stay in a specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
and try my level best to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
anything excel than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
excellence
.
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IELTS essay Successful people should not try new things or take risk

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
394 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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