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effects of technology on selling products

effects of technology on selling products peQa0
Today, schools are the most popular places for education equally provided for each citizen so as to raise a beneficial person for a society, but there are also some people whose belief is that parents should be included in this process of creating a better human being. However, I am strongly of the opinion integrating parents in this proceeding could cause so many problems in a society. Firstly, it is needless to say that each family has its own culture and understanding of ethics. Adults of every family inherit a plenty of various specialties from their ancestors, for example in our country there are generally two types of families; one is conservative and the other is modern, and there is really big differences between their life styles and opinions. Thus, this situation surely will lead to a wide diversity amongst children so that if there are not schools which are regulated as being able to teach both these two cultural groups’ new generations, we would have a divided society who could not get together since not having anything in common. Secondly, schools give us the opportunity of creating our own personality in time by meeting other people in varied situations. Nevertheless, if children do not have this free space and learn the world from only our parents’ perspective, they could not create their own ideas. That’s to say, they would become copies of their families rather than a unique individual. Then, the world will be filled with individuals who are incapable of thinking and questioning because of their parents’ imposing their own dogmas, traditions and beliefs. As a result, it will be impossible to discuss creating a colorful and cosmopolitan society that contains different ideas and personalities. To conclude, undoubtedly each family has its own way of instructing their children, whereas if the situation is taken into account of generating a unified country and constituting a value of ethics which takes every single opinion into consideration in a society. As far as I am concerned, it strikes me that schools are the best place to have this mosaic of people.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are the most popular places for education
equally
provided for each citizen
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
raise a beneficial person for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
whose belief is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
be included
in this process of creating a better human being.
However
, I am
strongly
of the opinion integrating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in this proceeding could cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems in a society.

Firstly
, it is needless to say that each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
culture and understanding of ethics. Adults of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
inherit a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of various specialties from their ancestors,
for example
in our country there are
generally
two types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
; one is conservative and the other is modern, and there is
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
differences between their life styles and opinions.
Thus
, this situation
surely
will lead to a wide diversity amongst children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that if there are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
which
are regulated
as being able to teach both these two cultural groups’ new generations, we would have a divided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
who could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
together since not having anything in common.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
give us the opportunity of creating our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
personality in time by meeting other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in varied situations.
Nevertheless
, if children do not have this free space and learn the world from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
perspective, they could not create their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
. That’s to say, they would become copies of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
rather
than a unique individual. Then, the world will
be filled
with individuals who are incapable of thinking and questioning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
imposing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
dogmas, traditions and beliefs.
As a result
, it will be impossible to discuss creating a colorful and cosmopolitan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
that contains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and personalities.

To conclude
,
undoubtedly
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way of instructing their children, whereas if the situation
is taken
into account of generating a unified country and constituting a value of ethics which takes every single opinion into consideration in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. As far as I
am concerned
, it strikes me that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are the best place to have this mosaic of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
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IELTS essay effects of technology on selling products

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
350 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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