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effect of greenhouse gases on heat radiation

effect of greenhouse gases on heat radiation 2bdrA
Sun makes heat radiation and sends them toward the Earth. The atmosphere and greenhouse gases have surrounded the Earth and they trap some of the radiation. They have an effective role in the Earth's temperature. Heat radiation is trapped by the atmosphere and clouds. Twenty percent of it scattered and reflected by clouds and about 20% of it absorbed by both of them. Just half of the heat radiation received by the Earth and it's a cause of the Earth's warmth. Heat prepares the Earth to live on also a part of it is lost at night. Greenhouse gases are very influential on raised the Earth's temperature. This happened when heat is trapped and reflected by greenhouse gases. The pollution that is made by factories can increase greenhouse gases. Raising the amount of these gases may trap more heat and it made the Earth warmer. Increasing the Earth's temperature has some negative effects on all living creatures.
Sun
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makes
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heat
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radiation
and
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sends
them toward the
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Earth
. The atmosphere and
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greenhouse
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gases
have surrounded the
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Earth and
they trap
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some of the
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radiation
. They have an effective role in the
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Earth's
temperature.

Heat
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radiation
is trapped
by the atmosphere and clouds. Twenty percent of it scattered and reflected by clouds and about 20% of it absorbed by both of them.
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Just
half of the
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heat
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radiation
received by the
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Earth
and it's a cause of the
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Earth's
warmth.

Heat prepares the
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Earth
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on
also
a part of it
is lost
at night.
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Greenhouse
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gases
are
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very
influential on raised the
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Earth's
temperature. This happened when
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heat
is trapped
and reflected by
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greenhouse
gases.

The pollution that
is made
by factories can increase
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greenhouse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gases
. Raising the amount of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gases
may trap more
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heat
and it made the
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Earth
warmer. Increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Earth's
temperature has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on all living creatures.

IELTS essay effect of greenhouse gases on heat radiation

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
157 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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