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effect of electronic devices

effect of electronic devices NmWjy

As generally accepted, the electronic inventions have knock on impact which are not ignorable. the recently researches prove that they can lead to pain in wrist, eye-strain and headache, as well as stress when you are using computers or mobile devices at work or at home. In addition, it can cause poor sleeping. also, one of the major reasons of cancer is the radiation of electronic devices which produce microwave. also, these inventions result in making a great progress in medicine.

As generally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:admissible
accepted
, the electronic inventions have knock on impact which are not ignorable. This sentence does not start with an uppercase letterThe
the
 recently researches prove that they can lead to pain in wrist, eye-strain and headache, as well
 as This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :accentuate
stress
 when you are using computers or mobile devices at work or at home. In addition
, it can cause poor sleeping. This sentence does not start with an uppercase letterAlso
also
, one of the major reasons of cancer is the radiation of electronic devices which produce microwave. This sentence does not start with an uppercase letterAlso
also
, these inventions result in making Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "great progress".great progress
a great progress
 in medicine. 

IELTS essay effect of electronic devices

Essay

American English

1 paragraphs

81 words

This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1

4.0

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
?
One main idea per paragraph
Include an introduction and conclusion
Support main points with an explanation and then an example
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Vary your linking phrases using synonyms

Lexical Resource: 6.5

Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
Check your writing for errors

Task Achievement: 5.0

Answer all parts of the question
?
Present relevant ideas
Fully explain these ideas
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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