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Effect of advertising I think

Effect of advertising I think bYjEW
Some people may say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. In my real life, advertising and commercial which I happen to see become an opportunity to find things I want, to get interest in new things, or to remember things I forgot to buy. The people who make a product reconsider well what consumers want in the process of making advertising and depending on the response from the advertising. Therefor, it leads that better things will be made in a community, in a country, in the world. On the contrary, other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. In fact, when I use the Internet and YouTube, I always get annoyed by advertising that appear in the middle. In making advertising, people hire famous people and some professionals. In addition to it, a lot of money to advertise. Even though money and effort are invested in advertising, certainly, we almost not pay attention to it. In consideration of the above two views, I think that advertising is effective way for us to buy things. This is because, people invest a lot of things because there are many things that can obtain from advertising. More than we think, it is true that advertising increase sales. Otherwise, advertising agencies never become big like now. Because advertising is not only what we see on TV or the Internet but also flyer or poster, it exists our more familiar places. Thus, I think that advertising everywhere is working well.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may say that advertising is
extremely
successful at persuading us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things. In my real life, advertising and commercial which I happen to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
become an opportunity to find things I want, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
interest in new things, or to remember things I forgot to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a product reconsider well what consumers want in the process of making advertising and depending on the response from the advertising. Therefor, it leads that better things will
be made
in a community, in a country, in the world.

On the contrary
, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that advertising is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
common that we no longer pay attention to it. In fact, when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the Internet and YouTube, I always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
annoyed by advertising that appear in the middle. In making advertising,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
professionals.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
addition to it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money to advertise.
Even though
money and effort
are invested
in advertising,
certainly
, we almost not pay attention to it.

In consideration of the above two views, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that advertising is
Please check whether an article is missing: "a effective".
effective
way for us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
invest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things that can obtain from advertising. More than we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
, it is true that advertising increase sales.
Otherwise
, advertising agencies never become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
advertising is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
what we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
on TV or the Internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
flyer or poster, it exists our more familiar places.
Thus
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that advertising everywhere is working well.
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IELTS essay Effect of advertising I think

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
258 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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