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Education should be paid or not?

Education should be paid or not? 0ErAB
Education is a must for the development of the humanity. Every people should be educated to find a place oneself in society life. Some people think such an important thing like education should be paid. But personally I think, education shouldn’t be paid because of the following reasons that I will explain below. Firstly, if education is paid, parents who don’t have enough money for education won’t be able to send their children to school and these children won’t be able to accommodate oneself to social life easily. As a result of this situation, people who are educated can’t accomodate oneself to not educated ones and then class distinction and disorder will begin. For example, people who don’t know, because they’re not educated, how to behave in various situations won’t find a place in the community. Secondly, if the lack of education starts in a country because education is paid, it will grow fast like an avalanche. According to my observations, ignorant people have more children than the other ones. In this manner, probability of their children being ignorant is high. For instance, the Syrian people living in our country continue fast to have children even though they know they can’t send them to school. Thirdly, people who are uneducated are more prone to commit crimes. If we look at the African countries, we will see their crime rate is more than countries which has high literacy rate. It’s the fact that, people who don’t have any profession may prefer to make money easily by committing crimes. If we could increase the literacy rate in African countries, crime rate will indirectly reduce. As a result, education shouldn’t be paid. Because, education eliminates the class distinction, provides order to the society and indirectly reduces the crime rate.
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Education
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for the development of the humanity. Every
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people
should be
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educated
to find a place oneself in society life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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people
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think
such an
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important
thing like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
.
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But
personally
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
,
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education
shouldn’t be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the following reasons that I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
below.

Firstly
, if
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education
is
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paid
, parents
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who
don’t have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
won’t be able to
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send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to school and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
won’t be able to accommodate oneself to social life
easily
.
As a result
of this situation,
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people
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who
are
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educated
can’t
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accomodate
oneself to not
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educated
ones and then
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class
distinction and disorder will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
.
For example
,
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people
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who
don’t know,
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because
they’re not
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educated
, how to behave in various situations won’t find a place in the community.

Secondly
, if the lack of
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education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
in a
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country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
, it will grow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
like an avalanche. According to my observations, ignorant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
than the other ones. In this manner, probability of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
being ignorant is high.
For instance
, the Syrian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
continue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
even though
they know they can’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
them to school.

Thirdly
,
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are uneducated
are more prone to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. If we look at the African
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
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rate
is more than
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countries
which has high literacy
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rate
. It’s the fact that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
don’t have any profession may prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money
easily
by committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. If we could increase the literacy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in African
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
will
indirectly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
.

As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
shouldn’t be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
eliminates the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
distinction, provides order to the society and
indirectly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
.

IELTS essay Education should be paid or not?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
296 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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