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education is imprtant or what

education is imprtant or what 6dVeK
As We Can See That Celebrities are more Famous For Their Glamour and Wealth rather than there achievements and that will effect our futher genaration and there young minds. Celebrities will run there show with Glamour and beauty and earn money and they to know that untill they have there looks the show will run to maintain there looks they spend more time on beauticians and phycical fittness. and not spending there time with there loved onces this will effect the same to the younger minds and losing there valuable time with there family members with will leads to on love and effection younger people will get attacted to the Glamour and Wealth and they want to be the same and concentrate on Glamour and losing there main path on education and by seeing this fame and happens young minds will get polluted and taking them in a wrong path and they wont see that at some extencet they will lose there beauty and fame rather than there education career which leads to a happey and healthy life, if we show the younger minds to pursuing their career on education and challenges they will achieve a good life which will last long in there life. To wind-up i would say that celebrities work very hard for there glamour and wealth but this should not be shown to the public rather than showing what they achieved so that young people will work on there career young people rather than Glamour and Wealth
As We Can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
See
That Celebrities are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Famous
For Their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Glamour
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Wealth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rather
than there achievements and that will
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
our
Possible spelling mistake found.
futher
Possible spelling mistake found.
genaration
and there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
minds.

Celebrities will run there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Glamour
and beauty and earn
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money and
they to know that
Possible spelling mistake found.
untill
they have there looks the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
will run to maintain there looks they spend more time on beauticians and
Possible spelling mistake found.
phycical
Possible spelling mistake found.
fittness
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
not spending there time with there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
Possible spelling mistake found.
onces
this will
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
the same to the younger minds and losing there valuable time with there family members with will leads to on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
effection


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Possible spelling mistake found.
attacted
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Glamour
and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Wealth and
they want to be the same and concentrate on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Glamour
and losing there main path on education and by seeing this fame and happens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
minds will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
polluted and taking them in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
path and
they
Please make sure you mean 'wont' (a habit), not "won't"/"won’t" (short for 'will not')?
wont
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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extencet
they will lose there beauty and fame
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rather
than there education career which leads to a
Possible spelling mistake found.
happey
and healthy life, if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the younger minds to pursuing their career on education and challenges they will achieve a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
life which will last long in there life.

To wind-up
Did you mean "I"?
i
would say that celebrities work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
glamour
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this should not
be shown
to the public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rather
than showing what they achieved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will work on there career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Glamour
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Wealth
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IELTS essay education is imprtant or what

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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