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education and pressure on children

education and pressure on children 6pmK3
With so much pressure on students nowadays to excel academically, the question arises of what is the purpose for doing this trend. Some believe this should be against due to its repercussions, while others think children better be put under pressure by their parents. However, I do not agree that parents should force their children to succeed. On the one hand, as the parental instinct, the vast majority of them want to give their children the best future for their life by forcing them to study hard at a young age. There is evidence to support the school of thought this is good for children that a number of students who spend their youth study frequently receive high-flying jobs and quality life in their future, to exemplify, parents who orient their youngster to work in a field related to English, they would invest money to educate their child in this subject to equip a quality base learning to prepare for future. As ramifications, this student easily find a job that suits their major and their academic results. On the other hand, these benefits pale in comparison with the potential dangers of this trend. In some Asian countries, young juvenile in this day and age typically spend 6-8 hours per day for learning and six days a week at school. It means they already subjected great strain on school but then many parents still forcing their child to study for extra class in the evening with a view to improving their study outcomes. However, this belief is deeply flawed. in recent years, many tragic accidents have taken place because of schoolwork by teenagers, especially those who are in their adolescence. the mentality in the puberty phase is often very fragile and vulnerable so if their parents still put them under pressure they can easily be prone to leaving homes or even commit suicide. In conclusion, teenagers who are under great pressure from their parents is easier need to confront others mentally issues such as depression or stress. So that is impossible for them to focus on their research to get flying colors in academics as their parent's purpose and count on them.
With
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
on students nowadays to excel
academically
, the question arises of what is the purpose for doing this trend.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe this should be against due to its repercussions, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
better
be put
under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
However
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should force their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to succeed.

On the one hand, as the parental instinct, the vast majority of them want to give their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the best future for their life by forcing them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
at a young age. There is evidence to support the school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
this is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that a number of students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
spend their youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
frequently
receive high-flying jobs and quality life in their future, to exemplify,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
orient their youngster to work in a field related to English, they would invest money to educate their child in this subject to equip a quality base learning to prepare for future. As ramifications, this student
easily
find a job that suits their major and their academic results.

On the other hand
, these benefits pale
in comparison
with the potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of this trend. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Asian countries, young juvenile in this day and age
typically
spend 6-8 hours per day for learning and six days a week at school. It means they already subjected great strain on school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
then
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
still
forcing their child to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
for extra
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
in the evening with a view to improving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
outcomes.
However
, this belief is
deeply
flawed.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
recent years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tragic accidents have taken place
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of schoolwork by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
,
especially
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are in their adolescence.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
mentality in the puberty phase is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
fragile and vulnerable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
still
put them under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
they can
easily
be prone to leaving homes or even commit suicide.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are under great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is easier need to confront others mentally issues such as depression or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that is
impossible for them to focus on their research to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
flying colors in academics as their parent's purpose and count on them.
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IELTS essay education and pressure on children

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
361 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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