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Eating fast food make people suffered in recent years. Should the states make taxes for fast food. Do you agree or disagree?

Eating fast food make people suffered in recent years. Should the states make taxes for fast food. awWEw
Nowadays, many individuals are suffered by eating fast food in some countries because healthy problems are caused by this action. Therefore, the states should organize higher tax on this type of food. I totally agree with this statement. First of all, many individuals crazy about eating fast food like hamburger, lavash and hoddog and etc. I believe that this type of food bring people harmfully in order to organize healthy problems namely, being overweight or stomachache. Furthermore higher taxes should be organize so as to reduce consumption of fast food. Unfortunately, in our country the state receive a law about purchasing fast food, tis type of food own higher cost rather than traditional meals. A clear example 30% of Americans have been overweight due to eating fast food. Second of all, most of the nations in a minority of countries need to help health care behind the eating fast food. Meanwhile organizing extra payment on eating prepared fast food is necessary for the government for reducing healthy problems. when this situation is supported by the many people, obesity and heartseases and cancer do not appear on people. For instance, behind the eating fast food in the United Kingdom young teenagers suffered being overweight, this statement lead to being lazy in their daily lives. In addition, eating fast food includes many negative sides that are related to problems of people on their health. By the way of conclusion, in my personal situation, amount of eating fast food should be reduced for the most of the people around the world, and governments should control consuming this type of food for people.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals
are suffered
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
are caused
by this action.
Therefore
, the states should organize higher tax on this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals crazy about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
like hamburger,
Possible spelling mistake found.
lavash
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
hoddog
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
. I believe that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
harmfully
in order to organize healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
namely
, being overweight or stomachache.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
higher taxes should be
Consider using the past participle "organized"?
organize
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. Unfortunately, in our country the state receive a law about purchasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
tis
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
higher cost
rather
than traditional meals. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example 30% of Americans have been overweight due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
food.

Second of all, most of the nations in a minority of countries need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
health care behind the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Meanwhile
organizing extra payment on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
prepared
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is necessary for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
for reducing healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
when
this situation
is supported
by the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, obesity and
Possible spelling mistake found.
heartseases
and cancer do not appear on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, behind the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in the United Kingdom young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
suffered being overweight, this statement lead to being lazy in their daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
includes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides that
are related
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on their health.

By the way of conclusion, in my personal situation, amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
for the most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should control consuming this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.

IELTS essay Eating fast food make people suffered in recent years. Should the states make taxes for fast food.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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