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Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity? v.21

Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity? v. 21
Every year an increasing crime incidence is being evident. This essay will discuss two root causes for this which are shortage of jobs available and drug addiction and suggest measures to address these issues such as providing more jobs for people and legislations against narcotic intake. To begin with, offences are usually committed by people who have no decent job or are under the influence of narcotics. This is because these people are likely to experience a shortage of money and to be pushed to get it by illegal activities. Also, they might abuse drugs which may increase the possibility of breaking the law. For instance, a single mother with seven children cannot provide financing for education for every child and, as a consequence, they cannot find a high-paying job and may commit an offence. Thus, lack of jobs among such people and higher possibility of narcotic consuming might lead to increased crime rates. Nevertheless, the solutions for this could be allocated jobs for such people and laws against drug intake. If a person with no education has a stable job with means for living, it would decrease the likelihood of him breaking the law. Additionally, adopting effective legislations against drug distribution might prevent these people to commit a drug-induced crime. To illustrate, policies of providing jobs have been implemented in many cities in the USA which has led to reduction of illegal activities. Therefore, these solutions could contribute to one's social mobility and cut down drug addiction. To conclude, two main reasons for increasing crime rates are lack of stable jobs and high addiction to drugs among lower social strata. Although, it might be tackled by allocating jobs for these people and enforcing laws against drug abuse.
Every year an increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
incidence is being evident. This essay will discuss two root causes for this which are shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
available and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
addiction and suggest measures to address these issues such as providing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
legislations
against narcotic intake.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
are
usually
committed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have no decent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or are under the influence of narcotics. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are likely to experience a shortage of money and to
be pushed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
it by illegal activities.
Also
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
abuse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
which may increase the possibility of breaking the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
.
For instance
, a single mother with seven children cannot provide financing for education for every child and, as a consequence, they cannot find a high-paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and may commit an
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
.
Thus
, lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
among such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and higher possibility of narcotic consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
lead to increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates.

Nevertheless
, the solutions for this could
be allocated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
intake. If a person with no education has a stable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with means for living, it would decrease the likelihood of him breaking the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
.
Additionally
, adopting effective
Possible spelling mistake found.
legislations
against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
distribution
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to commit a drug-induced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. To illustrate, policies of providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
have
been implemented
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cities in the USA which has led to reduction of illegal activities.
Therefore
, these solutions could contribute to one's social mobility and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
addiction.

To conclude
, two main reasons for increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates are lack of stable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and high addiction to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
among lower social strata. Although, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be tackled
by allocating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and enforcing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
abuse.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity? v. 21

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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