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Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what coule be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity? v.20

Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what coule be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity? v. 20
It is true that crime has been rampant in many societies. Although this can be attributed to a whole host of reasons, some workable solutions can be implemented to mitigate this. There are some causes for the increased rate of crimes all around the world. One of the causes is that, violence in the media contributes to a growing number of lawbreakers. In fact, since violent scenes on movies are being perceived as normal or even positive, many people, either children or adolescents, are becoming aggressive or considering bullying as socially acceptable, which makes them tend to address their conflicts with others by violence. In addition, drug abuse has also given a rise in the rate of offenders. As plenty of evidence suggests that repeated drug use can lead to a negative influence on the brain, it is harder to control users’ behaviours, making them inclined to break the law. Nevertheless, there are a variety of solutions to alleviate this issue. First, the government should have restrictions against questionable contents of media. This means that the government can regulate the contents shown on television or the Internet and promote less-violent movies at disposal, raising people’s awareness about the positive life. Second, law enforcement authorities should take steps to tighten drug control to ensure little to no drug supply in the market. For instance, increasing fines and penalties for drug-related activities would act as a deterrent for drug traffickers and buyers. In conclusion, although the trend might be difficult to reverse, there are ways to get around it. The coordination between the governments and media corporations can certainly make a difference in reducing the rate of crimes in coming time.
It is true that crime has been rampant in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
societies. Although this can
be attributed
to a whole host of reasons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
workable
solutions can
be implemented
to mitigate this.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
causes for the increased rate of crimes all around the world. One of the causes is that, violence in the media contributes to a growing number of lawbreakers. In fact, since violent scenes on movies are
being perceived
as normal or even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, either children or adolescents, are becoming aggressive or considering bullying as
socially
acceptable, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them tend to address their conflicts with others by violence.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
abuse has
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a rise in the rate of offenders. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of evidence suggests that repeated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
can lead to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence on the brain, it is harder to control users’
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
, making them inclined to break the law.

Nevertheless
, there are a variety of solutions to alleviate this issue.
First
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should have restrictions against questionable contents of media. This means that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can regulate the contents shown on television or the Internet and promote less-violent movies at disposal, raising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s awareness about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
life. Second, law enforcement authorities should take steps to tighten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
control to ensure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
to no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
supply in the market.
For instance
, increasing fines and penalties for drug-related activities would act as a deterrent for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
traffickers and buyers.

In conclusion
, although the trend might be difficult to reverse, there are ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
around it. The coordination between the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and media corporations can
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a difference in reducing the rate of crimes in coming time.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what coule be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity? v. 20

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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