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Due to increase in terrorism, every college has to give military training to student. To what extent do you agree?

Due to increase in terrorism, every college has to give military training to student. drJeo
Terrorism is a main rising issue now a days. Government do lot of efforts to reduce the terrorism from their countries. Meanwhile some countries suggest to give military training to the college students, which would help the students to tackle with terrorism. I am strongly I disagree with this notion, because there are several reason behind my decision. In this essay I will discuss about the disadvantages of military training to an college students. To commence with, nowadays the authorities are get in power for tackling with terrorism. Some leading community of the countries decided to give the training to college students. But the rising point is that the studies of students could be affected or not? In my opinion, there could be have a loss to students for their studies. By giving the training to student it could burdened the student. Yes to do studies and training at right time in a single day. They could pressure by the daily routine. For training there are lots of equipment required, one could enable to buy this equipment because they couldn't have enough money or they are not financially strong. The main aspect of training could lead them for increase in aggressiveness. While training they have to do lots of hard work, it would make them dull person. Further reinforcing my perspective, ill mannered student can misuse the military training's skill. Due to lack of concentration, students couldn't follow their passions and could not become a professional engineer or a doctor. The reasonable fact is one could not give their proper concentration to studies or do the military training because they are two different things and need time for understanding them. So they couldn't perform well in study as well as in a training. All in all, why should be choice for military training and studies because one cannot perform both at same time. Each sector has different strategies and goals. Show the military training could be a different study or a different course.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Terrorism
is a main rising issue
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
do
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
efforts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
terrorism
from their countries.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Meanwhile
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries suggest to give military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
to the college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to tackle with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
terrorism
. I am
strongly
I disagree with this notion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are several reason behind my decision. In this essay I will
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
disadvantages of military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
to
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. To commence with, nowadays the authorities are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in power for tackling with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
terrorism
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
leading community of the countries decided to give the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
to college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the rising point is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
or not? In my opinion, there could be
Consider using the past participle "had"?
have
a loss to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. By giving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
it could
The verb 'could' requires the base form of the verb: "burden"
burdened
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
. Yes to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
at right time in a single day. They could pressure by the daily routine. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
there are lots of equipment required, one could enable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
this equipment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they couldn't have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money or
they are not
financially
strong. The main aspect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
could lead them for increase in aggressiveness. While
The comma is probably missing here: "training, they".
training they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do lots of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work, it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them dull person.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Further
reinforcing my perspective,
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
ill mannered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can misuse the military training's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
. Due to lack of concentration,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
couldn't follow their passions and could not become a professional engineer or a doctor. The reasonable fact is one could not give their proper concentration to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
or do the military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
things and need time for understanding them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they couldn't perform well in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
as well
as in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
. All in all, why should be choice for military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
one cannot perform both at same time. Each sector has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
strategies and goals.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Show
the military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
could be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
course.
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IELTS essay Due to increase in terrorism, every college has to give military training to student.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
333 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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