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Doing startups should be encouraged among young people. Do you agree or disagree with the opinion?

Doing startups should be encouraged among young people. with the opinion? yN203
In this day and age, there is an opinion that doing startups should be encouraged among young people. I completely agree with this idea, owing to the following reasons. Firstly, individuals may have a chance to accumulate knowledge and learn more skills. When you start your business early you will be able to gain certain experience and acquire more soft skills for later. Besides, you will be forced to handle all the parts and tasks yourself, learn how to create spreadsheets, balance budgets, negotiate leases and countless other skills. Another reason why I do think that startups should be encouraged among adolescents is to renew themselves and forge consistency. You certainly can't change yourself if you always do things that are too familiar in your daily life. This will change if you start your own business, which will always expose you to new experiences and challenges. After going through such a difficult start-up process, it will help you form a consistent person. Starting a business is like a game of chance, you can't be sure that you will succeed or fail in your startup, and time is limited, so whether you succeed or fail, starting an early business is still important. For the above reasons, I am a strong advocate of this proposition that doing startups should be encouraged among young people.
In this day and age, there is an opinion that doing startups should
be encouraged
among young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, owing to the following reasons.
Firstly
, individuals may have a chance to accumulate knowledge and learn more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. When you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
early you will be able to gain certain experience and acquire more soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for later.
Besides
, you will
be forced
to handle all the parts and tasks yourself, learn how to create spreadsheets, balance budgets, negotiate leases and countless other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Another reason why I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that startups should
be encouraged
among adolescents is to renew themselves and forge consistency. You
certainly
can't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
yourself if you always do things that are too familiar in your daily life. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
if you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
, which will always expose you to new experiences and challenges. After going through such a difficult
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
-up process, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you form a consistent person. Starting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
is like a game of chance, you can't be sure that you will succeed or fail in your startup, and time
is limited
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
whether you succeed or fail, starting an early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
is
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. For the above reasons, I am a strong advocate of this proposition that doing startups should
be encouraged
among young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
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IELTS essay Doing startups should be encouraged among young people. with the opinion?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
222 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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