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Descibe your hometown or city where you grow up

Descibe your hometown or city where you grow up LlK13
I grew up in a city called Kokand, which is a small but very interesting and important city with a long history, situated in the famous Fergana Valley. The town has two main parts: old town and modern town. The old part of the city consists of the khan palace Urda, madrasahs, and memorials, which date back to the period of XIX – ХХ centuries. On the other hand, the new part has gone through numerous developments in the last few years and it is usually a busy part, which is the most attractive part of our town, in my opinion. Yes, definitely. My hometown offers all the modern facilities, nice environment and communication systems someone can expect from a town. Apart from that, the people are nice and friendly. We have got some nice educational institute and university, hospitals, schools, community centers, better security and open spaces that make this town a better place to live in. Actually yes. It has changed enormously. A lot of tall buildings and hotels have now emerged and constructions are underway. A new university is opened. Also parks are decorated with more beautiful flowers. Festivals are organized for tourists. Those signs are telling me that my hometown is actually developing quite rapidly and I am happy with it.
I grew up in a city called
Kokand
, which is a
small
but
very
interesting and
important
city with a long history, situated in the
famous
Fergana
Valley. The
town
has two main
parts
:
old
town
and modern
town
. The
old
part
of the city consists of the khan palace
Urda
, madrasahs, and memorials, which date back to the period of XIX
ХХ
centuries.
On the other hand
, the new
part
has gone through numerous developments in the last few years and it is
usually
a busy
part
, which is the most attractive
part
of our
town
, in my opinion. Yes, definitely. My hometown offers all the modern facilities, nice environment and communication systems someone can
expect
from a
town
. Apart from that, the
people
are nice and friendly. We have
got
some
nice educational institute and university, hospitals, schools, community centers, better security and open spaces that
make
this
town
a better place to
live
in.

Actually yes. It has
changed
enormously
.
A lot of
tall buildings and hotels have
now
emerged and constructions are underway. A new university
is opened
.
Also
parks
are decorated
with more
beautiful
flowers. Festivals
are organized
for tourists. Those signs are telling me that my hometown is actually developing quite
rapidly and
I am happy with it.
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IELTS essay Descibe your hometown or city where you grow up

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
215 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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