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Does the Government need to check internet researches ?

Does the Government need to check internet researches? 0ARd5
In nowedays every one is using internet for many situations for example: buying a new shoe, looking for a new home or any information about german history. . . This is great but a i said before everyone is using it. We dont know what kind of people are using it. Maybe they can be a terrorists or hackers. The Government should check the internet backgrounds. In 2018 my friend called John made a contact with a credit card stealer accidentally. He wasnt know about the person who is he. He just wanted to buy a new birthday gift for his sister. When he contacted the stealer case started so. First the stealer wanted his personal informations like the adress, telephone number and his ID. Later on that John gived his credit cards serial number and password. Stealer told to him "i am going to send your prodact until tomarrow. " but after three days John hasnt got any messages aqbout his product. He tried the contact again but he got nothing on it. John and his Family explained the case to Police officers, howewer they havent found anything about the stealer. I think this situation shows that everybody can be victim in Internet World. Because of that Internet should keep under control by the Government. There is a lot of person like John out there as a victim. My solution idea about this problem is making a safetywall against the dealers and the customers and also the conversations between them should checked every time. The Government can apply projects like that. With projects like this they can minimize the victim ratio on Internet.
In
nowedays
every one is using internet for
many
situations
for example
: buying a new shoe, looking for a new home or any information about
german
history.
.
.
This is great
but
a
i
said
before
everyone is using it. We
dont
know what kind of
people
are using it. Maybe they can be
a terrorists
or hackers. The
Government
should
check
the internet backgrounds. In 2018 my friend called John made a contact with a credit card stealer
accidentally
. He
wasnt
know about the person who is he. He
just
wanted to
buy
a new birthday gift for his sister. When he contacted the stealer case
started
so
.
First
the stealer wanted his personal
informations
like the
adress
, telephone number and his ID. Later on that John
gived
his credit cards serial number and password. Stealer
told
to him
"
i
am going to
send
your
prodact
until
tomarrow
.
"
but
after three days John
hasnt
got
any messages
aqbout
his product. He tried the contact again
but
he
got
nothing on it. John and his Family
explained
the case to Police officers,
howewer
they
havent
found anything about the stealer. I
think
this situation
shows
that everybody can be victim in Internet World.
Because
of that Internet should
keep
under control by the
Government
. There is
a lot of person
like John out there as a victim. My solution
idea
about this problem is making a
safetywall
against the dealers and the customers and
also
the conversations between them should
checked
every time. The
Government
can apply projects like that. With projects like this they can minimize the victim ratio on Internet.
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IELTS essay Does the Government need to check internet researches?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
274 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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