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Does population mobility cause more advantages than disadvantages?

Does population mobility cause more advantages than disadvantages? 9lDjX
In today's world, people change the places that dwell for various reasons and one of them is becoming an adult. This pattern of behavior becomes more and more widespread in the different areas of the world and consequently gives birth to a discussion concerning its advantages and disadvantages. In my opinion, even there are certain disadvantages that stem from this mobility, advantages outweigh the disadvantages from different aspects. There are several disadvantages and advantages to mention concerning this issue. The first disadvantage can be the declining population in certain areas. Population decrease can cause the regression of the economy since there will be a smaller variety of monetary activities when there are fewer people. Still, I argue that advantages result from this phenomenon can be a way to offer solutions. Since people who left their hometown to study will be qualified individuals, they can contribute to the place they were born and raised. For example, someone who studies urban planning can return to her/his hometown and can take place in the restoration of the historical places in his hometown or can work in City Hall and make his hometown a better place with her/his knowledge and abilities. Thus, people can contribute to the place they were born by moving away to have an education. Another disadvantage that results from mobility is that while certain areas are populated less, the others become overpopulated. This is a big problem and creates cities that are very difficult to maintain a healthy and happy life for an average person. That is to say, overcrowded cities create many problems such as economic, social, and infrastructure problems. As I mentioned before, the advantages of this mobility again will be a solution for this problem. As there are more educated people in different areas, people will take part in the social projects that are done to increase job opportunities and educational institutions in small places and therefore balancing the population by giving a reason to people for staying their hometowns. In conclusion, the solution that I offered can be considered contradictory since while I defend that overall it is an advantageous situation that people leaving their hometown, I also offer a solution that will cause people to stay in their hometowns. However, it is actually not contradictory and this is for the reason that if people do not leave their hometown to improve themselves, these developments will not take place in the future. Thus, I believe that a crucial step to take is to encourage educated and qualified people to take care of these important issues.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
that dwell for various reasons and one of them is becoming an adult. This pattern of behavior becomes more and more widespread in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
of the world and
consequently
gives birth to a discussion concerning its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
and disadvantages. In my opinion, even there are certain disadvantages that stem from this mobility,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
outweigh the disadvantages from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects. There are several disadvantages and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
to mention concerning this issue.

The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disadvantage
can be the declining population in certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. Population decrease can cause the regression of the economy since there will be a smaller variety of monetary activities when there are fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Still
, I argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
result from this phenomenon can be a way to offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hometown
to study will
be qualified
individuals, they can contribute to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
they
were born
and raised.
For example
, someone who studies urban planning can return to her/his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hometown
and can take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
in the restoration of the historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hometown
or can work in City Hall and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hometown
a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
with her/his knowledge and abilities.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can contribute to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
they
were born
by moving away to have an education.

Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disadvantage
that results from mobility is that while certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
are populated
less, the others become overpopulated. This is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
and creates cities that are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to maintain a healthy and happy life for an average person.
That is
to say, overcrowded cities create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
such as economic, social, and infrastructure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. As I mentioned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
of this mobility again will be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. As there are more educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in the social projects that
are done
to increase job opportunities and educational institutions in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
and
therefore
balancing the population by giving a reason to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for staying their hometowns.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
that I offered can
be considered
contradictory since while I defend that
overall
it is an advantageous situation that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
leaving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hometown
, I
also
offer a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
that will cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to stay in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hometowns
.
However
, it is actually not contradictory and this is for the reason that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hometown
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
themselves, these developments will not take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
in the future.
Thus
, I believe that a crucial step to take is to encourage educated and qualified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to take care of these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issues.
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IELTS essay Does population mobility cause more advantages than disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
429 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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