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Does education system enough to help young people to find jobs which fit their abilities and interests?

Does education system enough to help young people to find jobs which fit their abilities and interests? KlyaL
Many students come to school with doubt of their future careers. The others with clear vision of their following occupation may be unpleasently startled by when applying for a job or university degree, because it contradicts their imaginations due to the fact that the education system is unable to provide the reality of their proffesion. Schools and universities should help students prepare for their future careers and offer them work experience programms where students can experience matters their job entails. As far as i am concerned, this method is extremely effective, because young students can learn about specific aspects and job roles to help them make choices about their future. I believe work experience programms have either power to boost student’s motivation for their career.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to school with doubt of their future careers. The others with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
vision of their following occupation may be
Possible spelling mistake found.
unpleasently
startled by when applying for a job or university degree,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it contradicts their imaginations due to the fact that the education system is unable to provide the reality of their
Possible spelling mistake found.
proffesion
.

Schools and universities should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
prepare for their future careers and offer them work experience
Possible spelling mistake found.
programms
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can experience matters their job entails. As far as
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
am concerned
, this method is
extremely
effective,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can learn about specific aspects and job roles to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
choices about their future. I believe work experience
Possible spelling mistake found.
programms
have either power to boost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
motivation for their career.
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IELTS essay Does education system enough to help young people to find jobs which fit their abilities and interests?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
125 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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