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Doctors, nurses and teachers make a great contribution to society and should be payed more than entertainment and sports celebrities. Do you agree or disagree ?

Doctors, nurses and teachers make a great contribution to society and should be payed more than entertainment and sports celebrities. 8jYV
Just as society continues to evolve, opinion regarding few profession have also changed over time. A significant number of people believe that film stars and sport celebrities are payed more, while doctors, nurses and teachers providing great help to society, and I agree with their perception. The rationale behind this viewpoint will be explicated in this essay, along with few evidence. The most potential reason is people are attracted towards entertainment nowadays. In other words, people watching celebrities on all social media application, helping them to earn extra income from it. Few sports men or women perform well once and become famous throughout their life, while people in other professions serving each day is not given much importance. This is apparent from a recent article published in a well-reputed newspaper, The Tribune, which depicted that celebrities catching eye of people on twitter. Another point to consider is people losing interest in such field like nursing and teaching. The reason behind it is, stream like this require plenty of skill and knowledge. Moreover, it also need time consuming courses or degree to be completed. After all that, patients and students are not giving importance to people like doctors, nurses, and teachers. This is further proved by expert who in India today magazine asserted that many doctors and nurses sacrificed their life by treating patients affected by COVID-19 virus. Finally, people also leaving such profession due to facing such life problems which are not expected. In conclude, public figures gaining multiple flow of attraction, importance and income, while other professions has negative outcomes in insignificance.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
as society continues to evolve, opinion regarding few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
have
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
over time. A significant number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that film stars and sport celebrities are
Only in a nautical context 'payed' is an acceptable past tense form of 'pay'. Please check!
payed
more, while doctors, nurses and teachers providing great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to society, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with their perception. The rationale behind this viewpoint will
be explicated
in this essay, along with
Possible agreement error. The noun evidence seems to be uncountable; consider using: "little evidence".
few evidence
.

The most potential reason is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are attracted
towards entertainment nowadays.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
watching celebrities on all social media application, helping them to earn extra income from it. Few sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
or women perform well once and become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
throughout their life, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
serving each day is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
much importance. This is apparent from a recent article published in a well-reputed newspaper, The Tribune, which depicted that celebrities catching eye of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on twitter.

Another point to consider is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
losing interest in such field like nursing and teaching. The reason behind it is, stream like this require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and knowledge.
Moreover
, it
also
Did you mean "needs"?
need
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
courses or degree to
be completed
.
After all
that, patients and students are not giving importance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like doctors, nurses, and teachers. This is
further
proved by expert who in India
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
magazine asserted that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
doctors and nurses sacrificed their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
by treating patients
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by COVID-19 virus.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
leaving such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
due to facing such life problems which are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
.

In conclude, public figures gaining multiple flow of attraction, importance and income, while other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
outcomes in insignificance.
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IELTS essay Doctors, nurses and teachers make a great contribution to society and should be payed more than entertainment and sports celebrities.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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