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Doctors, Nurses, and teachers make a great contribution to society and should be payed more than entertainment and sport celebrities. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Doctors, Nurses, and teachers make a great contribution to society and should be payed more than entertainment and sport celebrities. v. 1
In recent years the government investing money for development sports facilities. Even though some argue that this amount should be allocated for school sports centres, Others think that general public and professionals must be benefited from this. In my opinion, I support the former’s viewpoint, because school children are the future. First of all, the school goers, who require to be trained properly with various sporting activities, because they would be the future sports stars of the country. In other words, whatever training and practises they receive at very age have a long lasting positive impacts on them. Since this creates an interest towards in sporting activities among these groups, they put an extra effort to master in. Currenty, many latest equipment and technologies are developed in this field that can be incorporated, otherwise, they may not be able to compete with others from different countries. Another point is taken into consideration is that well established professionals have been not only received a sufficient amount of training, but they are successful in their career as well. Therefore, they have enough fund in their hands to develop themselves. Next, regarding general public, they require more health care institutions than sports centres because people are suffering from many deadly diseases. By contrast, if the government constructs sports facilities to both professionals and the general public, children would be neglected, this can lead serious repercussion to the country’ sporting field. By way of conclusion, while several people consider building sports centres for sports personals and the common people, I, personally, again reaffirm that children be trained with sports facilities, than anyone else.
In recent years the
government
investing money for development
sports
facilities.
Even though
some
argue that this amount should
be allocated
for school
sports
centres
, Others
think
that
general public
and professionals
must
be benefited
from this. In my opinion, I support the former’s viewpoint,
because
school children are the future.

First of all
, the school goers, who require to
be trained
properly
with various sporting activities,
because
they would be the future
sports
stars of the country.
In other words
, whatever training and
practises
they receive at
very
age have a
long lasting
positive
impacts on them. Since this creates an interest towards in sporting activities among these groups, they put an extra effort to master in.
Currenty
,
many
latest equipment and technologies
are developed
in this field that can
be incorporated
,
otherwise
, they may not be able to compete with others from
different
countries.

Another point
is taken
into consideration is that well established professionals have been not
only
received a sufficient amount of training,
but
they are successful in their career
as well
.
Therefore
, they have
enough
fund in their hands to develop themselves.
Next
, regarding
general public
, they require more health care institutions than
sports
centres
because
people
are suffering from
many
deadly diseases. By contrast, if the
government
constructs
sports
facilities to both professionals and the
general public
, children would
be neglected
, this can lead serious repercussion to the country’ sporting field.

By way of conclusion, while several
people
consider building
sports
centres
for
sports
personals and the common
people
, I,
personally
, again reaffirm that children
be trained
with
sports
facilities, than anyone else.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay Doctors, Nurses, and teachers make a great contribution to society and should be payed more than entertainment and sport celebrities. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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