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do you think youngeters make good role modle for youngesters?

do you think youngeters make good role modle for youngesters? pRALw
Youngsters tend to be influenced by famous figures around them such as athletes. While there are some concerns about whether this has a positive effect on them or not, this essay strongly believes that sportsmen and women can have a good effect on young generation due to the fact that they have a number of fine qualities which youths can benefit from. Some people hold the view that looking up to famous people will negatively influence a teenager’s education in light of the fact that in order to be professional, they need to be fully focused on sport and will not have time to study. Hence, If they don’t succeed it will be difficult for them to find a job and continue their life. It is also thought that well known people are involved in a lot of scandals therefor, they are not a beneficial role model. Although these concerns are notable, I maintain that the positive traits of athletes will out weigh negative effects. Juveniles will learn a lot from athletes. Firstly, they will understand that it will take a lot of time and effort to be professional in a field and they should endure the hardships. Next, they will teach people the importance of punctuality. You can be the most famous player but if you show up late, you will be disqualified. One of the most vital point that athletes can teach young population is that failure will happen even if you are the best. What matters is learning from your mistakes and experiences and never give up. To sum up, I reckon that it is important that young generation learn some life lessons from successful people and athletes can teach numerous valuable lessons to them.
Youngsters tend to
be influenced
by
famous
figures around them such as
athletes
. While there are
some
concerns about whether this has a
positive
effect on them or not, this essay
strongly
believes that sportsmen and women can have a
good
effect on young generation due to the fact that they have a number of fine qualities which youths can benefit from.

Some
people
hold the view that looking up to
famous
people
will
negatively
influence a
teenager
’s education in light of the fact that in order to be professional, they need to be
fully
focused on sport and will not have time to study.
Hence
, If they don’t succeed it will be difficult for them to find a job and continue their life. It is
also
thought
that well known
people
are involved
in
a lot of
scandals therefor, they are not a beneficial role model. Although these concerns are notable, I maintain that the
positive
traits of
athletes
will out weigh
negative
effects.

Juveniles will learn a lot from
athletes
.
Firstly
, they will understand that it will take
a lot of
time and effort to be professional in a
field and
they should endure the hardships.
Next
, they will teach
people
the importance of punctuality. You can be the most
famous
player
but
if you
show
up late, you will
be disqualified
. One of the most vital point that
athletes
can teach young population is that failure will happen even if you are the best. What matters is learning from your mistakes and experiences and never give up.

To sum up, I reckon that it is
important
that young generation learn
some
life lessons from successful
people
and
athletes
can teach numerous valuable lessons to them.
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IELTS essay do you think youngeters make good role modle for youngesters?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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