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do you think we are controlled by the advertisement?

do you think we are controlled by the advertisement? 957O3
Nowadays, we can see a number of advertising on YouTube, street, website, everywhere you see. Also, it is becoming easier to publish these advertisements. However, I still think that the advertising is effective to persuade us. In today's situation, some people think advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention. Numerous advertisements made us get used to watching it. Since everyone can publish advertisement easily, the type of the way to advertise became much variety. This is vital which made us feel nothing by watching advertisement. We scarcely feel impressed or moved by the message from the company, but we look at it objectively. On the other hand, some people say that the advertising is extremely effective. This is because in fact, we are influenced by the advertisement. For example, in Japan, iPhone is super popular so that it occupies 80 percent of its kind of share. The advertisement is one of the biggest influence Apple made. Due to it, we come to think that we should have iPhone to catch up with the fashion and friends. This way to think is similar to an obsession. we can see the phenomenon in not only the iPhone but everywhere. Even if pay attention not to be affected by the advertisement, we have already forced to move as the advertisings say. The effect of the advertisement cannot be seen. The numerous advertisement are suit to hide the high quality advertisement. Therefore, we can say that advertising is still effective to persuade us to buy things.
Nowadays, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
Possible agreement error. The noun advertising seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much advertising", "a good deal of advertising".
a number of advertising
on YouTube, street, website, everywhere you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
.
Also
, it is becoming easier to publish these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
.
However
, I
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that the advertising is effective to persuade us.

In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's situation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
advertising is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
common that we no longer pay attention. Numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
made us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to watching it. Since everyone can publish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
easily
, the type of the way to advertise became much variety. This is vital which made us feel nothing by watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
. We
scarcely
feel impressed or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
by the message from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we look at it
objectively
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that the advertising is
extremely
effective. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in fact, we
are influenced
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
.
For example
, in Japan, iPhone is super popular
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it occupies 80 percent of its kind of share. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
is one of the biggest influence Apple made. Due to it, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that we should have iPhone to catch up with the fashion and friends. This way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
is similar to an obsession.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
we
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the phenomenon in not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the iPhone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
everywhere. Even if pay attention not to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
, we have already forced to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
as the
Possible spelling mistake found.
advertisings
say.

The effect of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
. The numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
are suit to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
the high quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
.
Therefore
, we can say that advertising is
still
effective to persuade us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things.
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IELTS essay do you think we are controlled by the advertisement?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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