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Do you think the hobbies of people have been changed from tradition to modern. Some people suggest that the citizens should again adopt hobbies of ancient time. Do you agree with this statement.

Do you think the hobbies of people have been changed from tradition to modern. Some people suggest that the citizens should again adopt hobbies of ancient time. EqKD3
In this digital era, as technology is being advanced, the living habits of people including hobbies have been changed a lot. In past, masses generally prefer playing outdoor games, reading books and newspapers, but in present scenario individuals do not make any physical effort in completion of any recreational activity and seen adopting hobbies like surfing internet, watching movies listening to music. Therefore it is believed that citizens ought to embrace old hobbies. This statement is agreed to me. To commence with, in earlier time, people have great fitness level as they enjoy to play games such as football, cricket, volleyball in their free time as an recreational activity which Benefitted them a lot to increase their strength and this also saves them from many diseases that are very famous nowadays like pain in joints, asthama and is so on. In addition, masses also liked handicraft works namely painting, weaving and other embroidery works by which then can make perfect use of leisure time and also earn handsome money by selling and showcasing their artwork. Moving further, Reading helps humans to vast the knowledge by studying different kinds of books and daily newspapers which aware people about current affairs. It also enhances the concentration because reading needs lots of efforts and focus which excel one in his daily life works. In ancient times, masses were also involved in religious and cultural activities that made them culturally strong and aware them about the importance of religion In conclusion, it is clear that traditional hobbies benefitted people in many ways and provide more superiority to physical health and better management of life although changing is the law of nature
In this digital era, as technology is
being advanced
, the living habits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
a lot.
Did you mean: "In the past"?
In past
, masses
generally
prefer playing outdoor games, reading books and newspapers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in present scenario individuals do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
any physical effort in completion of any recreational activity and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
adopting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
like surfing internet, watching movies listening to music.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
it
is believed
that citizens ought to embrace
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
. This statement is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
to me.

To commence with, in earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have great fitness level as they enjoy to play games such as football, cricket, volleyball in their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
as
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
recreational activity which
Possible spelling mistake found.
Benefitted
them a lot to increase their strength and this
also
saves them from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases that are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
nowadays like pain in joints,
Possible spelling mistake found.
asthama
and is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
In addition
, masses
also
liked handicraft works
namely
painting, weaving and other embroidery works by which then can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
perfect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
also
earn handsome money by selling and showcasing their artwork.

Moving
further
, Reading
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
humans to vast the knowledge by studying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of books and daily newspapers which aware
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
affairs. It
also
enhances the concentration
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
reading needs lots of efforts and focus which excel one in his daily life works. In ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, masses were
also
involved in religious and cultural activities that made them
culturally
strong and aware them about the importance of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
religion


In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways and provide more superiority to physical health and better management of life although changing is the law of nature
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IELTS essay Do you think the hobbies of people have been changed from tradition to modern. Some people suggest that the citizens should again adopt hobbies of ancient time.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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