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Do you think that physical activities should be introduced to schoolchildren on a regular basis Explain what kind of sports are the most useful v.1

Do you think that physical activities should be introduced to schoolchildren on a regular basis Explain what kind of sports are the most useful v. 1
Many people claim that criminality has become one of the most crucial issues and there is no effective solution for it. Nowadays, there are numerous types of penalties that are given to each kind of offence and most of them are not able to change the crime rate. However, I strongly believe that if appropriate measures are taken, criminal intentions can be thwarted. First and foremost, it is an undeniable fact that once the murderers have been released from prison, they still have a tendency to commit a crime. This kind of penalty system does not change moral behaviours of villains. Hence, this means governments should implement more efficient prevention measures such as rehabilitation. Unless the offenders are treated mentally in reclamation centres, there is a high risk that second murder attempt will occur. According to the research made in countries both do and do not have rehabilitation centres for criminals, the crime rate is decreasing in the ones which apply rehabilitation. Secondly, there are some incentives that induce people to have malevolent intentions, such as robbery, theft and murder. The biggest reasons for these intentions are low living standards, social and economic problems in the country. Crime rates can be reduced if the country itself tries to tackle the problem by increasing the prosperity of people by providing them with better living standards. For instance, Norway, which is recognized as the country in which the happiest people live, has the lowest violation rate in the world. To conclude, I oppose the statement that nothing can be done to inhibit committing heinous crimes because of the two reasons given above. If the government takes serious actions such as implementing recovery for first-time offenders and increasing the standard of living, the number of crimes may decrease dramatically.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that criminality has become one of the most crucial issues and there is no effective solution for it. Nowadays, there are numerous types of penalties that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to each kind of
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
and most of them are not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
.
However
, I
strongly
believe that if appropriate measures
are taken
, criminal intentions can
be thwarted
.

First
and foremost, it is an undeniable fact that once the murderers have
been released
from prison, they
still
have a tendency to commit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. This kind of penalty system does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
moral
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
of villains.
Hence
, this means
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should implement more efficient prevention measures such as rehabilitation. Unless the offenders
are treated
mentally in reclamation
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, there is a high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
that second murder attempt will occur. According to the research made in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
both do and do not have rehabilitation
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
for criminals, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
is decreasing in the ones which apply rehabilitation.

Secondly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
incentives that induce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have malevolent intentions, such as robbery, theft and murder. The biggest reasons for these intentions are low living standards, social and economic problems in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
itself tries to tackle the problem by increasing the prosperity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by providing them with better living standards.
For instance
, Norway, which
is recognized
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in which the happiest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, has the lowest violation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in the world.

To conclude
, I oppose the statement that nothing can
be done
to inhibit committing heinous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the two reasons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
above. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
takes serious actions such as implementing recovery for
first
-time offenders and increasing the standard of living, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
may decrease
dramatically
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Do you think that physical activities should be introduced to schoolchildren on a regular basis Explain what kind of sports are the most useful v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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