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Do you think that people who work online at home are more productive than office workers or the other way around Give reasons and examples to support your answer v.4

Do you think that people who work online at home are more productive than office workers or the other way around Give reasons and examples to support your answer v. 4
In the past, it is common that people have to travel for their workplace and spent about half of the day with their work colleagues. However, as a result of advanced technology, online work from home culture has seen a significant rise in recent decades. In my opinion work from home brings many positive and productive changes in the personal life of employee than people who work in the office. First and foremost, people save travel time which is most cases stressful for their physical and mental health and whoever experienced this matter complained that they spent about to 2 hours with traffic congestion and loud noises of vehicles. Secondly, working online at home gives the freedom to hang out more time with the family to provide workers to become more supportive and productive day. They are simply able to organize a work schedule which is more convenient for employees to handle other household chore list like washing dishes, preparing meals, doing laundry and taking care of their kids. Moreover, online work at home enables the chance of thinking positive and having independent ideas are more important for employees to develop their productivity and capability to communicate with their senior employers. occasionally, when employees work in the office they do not have the chance to do their own tasks because of other employee’s interferes and sharing the ideas with them is a disadvantage for them. On the other hand, working from home some times feels stressful because of mixing with household activities and office tasks can be disorganized. In addition, failure in any work tasks could result in disappointing atmosphere at home and obviously they will feel isolation in their work life. In conclusion, my point of view that online work at home definitely brings individual’s life more convenient and it allows to organize and handle their work tasks more easily with the productive outcome along with freedom of personal life and having a quality time with their family.
In the past, it is common that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
travel for their workplace and spent about half of the day with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
colleagues.
However
,
as a result
of advanced technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home culture has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a significant rise in recent decades. In my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and productive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the personal life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the office.

First
and foremost,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
save travel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which is most cases stressful for their physical and mental health and whoever experienced this matter complained that they spent about to 2 hours with traffic congestion and loud noises of vehicles.
Secondly
, working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
at home gives the freedom to hang out more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with the family to provide workers to become more supportive and productive day. They are
simply
able to organize a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
schedule which is more convenient for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to handle other household chore list like washing dishes, preparing meals, doing laundry and taking care of their kids.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at home enables the chance of thinking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and having independent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to develop their productivity and capability to communicate with their senior employers.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
occasionally
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the office they do not have the chance to do their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of other
The possessive apostrophe seems to be incorrect. Please remove the apostrophe if you want to use the plural form of 'employee'.
employee’s
interferes and sharing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
with them is a disadvantage for them.

On the other hand
, working from home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
feels stressful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of mixing with household activities and office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
can
be disorganized
.
In addition
, failure in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
could result in disappointing atmosphere at home and
obviously
they will feel isolation in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
life.

In conclusion
, my point of view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at home definitely brings individual’s life more convenient and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
Did you mean "organizing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'allow' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to organize
and handle their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
more
easily
with the productive outcome along with freedom of personal life and having a quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their family.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Do you think that people who work online at home are more productive than office workers or the other way around Give reasons and examples to support your answer v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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