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There are different types of music in world today. Why do we need music? Is traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v.2

There are different types of music in world today. Why do we need music? Is traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v. 2
In this fast moving world everyone is busy doing their work and are very stressed and exhausted. Thus, the humans now has to find ways be stressfree and music has always been a first priority. In ancient ages also the music has served its role as a pain reliever rather than just entertainment. Music acts as a best medicine. Music makes listeners energetic. But, there is always a dilemma whether one should listen a traditional music or an International music? For an answer to this there has been many serveys and the result of it shows that the international music was more popular amoung the young listeners while the elder ones had penchant for the traditional music. From my point of view both music has its own importance and hence they cannot be separated. Traditional music of any country reflects the culture of country in its music and makes the listener proud bringing the glorious memory of the past. We provide a n insight of the country' s culture. Nowaday the international music is gaining a lot of popularity over the traditional music, the fact is that the people loves to listen new and different things and international music serves this purpose. No music either the traditional or International is important there is no scale to compare these music because the type of music people depends on the Moods and liking of the listener and everyone is not same and so they have different taste and liking. But from my point of you it is very difficult to predict with music is important because both have a significant role to play in the life of the listeners. But I am more attracted towards the traditional music as it is more related to the culture in which we are brought up.
In this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
moving world everyone is busy doing their work and are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
and exhausted.
Thus
, the humans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
find ways be
Possible spelling mistake found.
stressfree
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has always been a
first
priority. In ancient ages
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has served its role as a pain reliever
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
entertainment.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
acts as
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
best medicine.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
listeners energetic.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, there is always a dilemma whether one should listen a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
or an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
? For an answer to this there has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
serveys
and the result of it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
was more popular
Possible spelling mistake found.
amoung
the young listeners while the elder ones had penchant for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. From my point of view both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
importance and
hence
they cannot
be separated
.

Traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
of any country reflects the culture of country in its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listener
proud bringing the glorious memory of the past. We provide
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
n insight of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
country&
#039; s culture.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nowaday
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is gaining
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
popularity over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, the fact is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
loves
to listen new and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
serves this purpose.

No
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
either the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
there is no scale to compare these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
depends
on the Moods and liking of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listener
and everyone is not
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
same and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
taste and liking.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
from my point of you it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to predict with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
both have a significant role to play in the life of the listeners.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I am more attracted towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as it is more related to the culture in which we
are brought
up.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes

IELTS essay There are different types of music in world today. Why do we need music? Is traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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