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Do you think that children's mind gets sharper when they build legos.

Do you think that children's mind gets sharper when they build legos. 86oBx
Yes, I think that children's mind gets sharper when they build legos, so one day I was building some legos and it was not correct according to the instructions, so I broke it into pieces and built it again and then it was correct. In the 4th part I was building an animal and it broke so I had to brake it into pieces and I was not able to build it again, but I think that my mind got sharper from building legos, plus it is also very fun, I recommend this fun activity to everyone.
Yes, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that children's mind
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
sharper when they build
Possible spelling mistake found.
legos
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
one day I was building
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
legos
and it was not correct according to the instructions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I broke it into pieces and built it again and then it was correct. In the 4th part I was building an animal and it broke
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I had to brake it into
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
pieces and
I was not able to build it again,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that my mind
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
sharper from building
Possible spelling mistake found.
legos
, plus it is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
fun, I recommend this fun activity to everyone.
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IELTS essay Do you think that children's mind gets sharper when they build legos.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
97 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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